Yay! The School Year is Here!
Like many parents, I anxiously await the beginning of the school year. Not so I can get the kids out of my hair (I have a job that does that already), but because a) It cuts down on the cost of day care; and b) I like to regale my children with tales of heartbreaking woe from my childhood.
“You think a little math homework is bad? When I was your age, we had math homework assigned before recess that was due when we got back inside! You ever try doing long division on a swing? Or fractions while going down a slide? THAT is homework my miniature friend!”
Of course the reality is that I got straight-A’s through elementary school without ever once having to take homework home. I spent all my time playing outside, blowing up mailboxes, ding-dong-ditching neighbors I didn’t like, etc. You know, having actual fun. But if I tell that to my kids, I’ll never hear the end of it. “BUT THAT’S NOT FAIR!” Fucking deal, you little heathens.
This year my 5 year old son is starting kindergarten which means that not only is he starting school, but he’s also starting his new career of convincing his teachers he’s not like his older sister. “And what is your last name? What? Did I have your sister in my class? I thought so. GO TO THE OFFICE!” Given his sister’s behavior, he is quite clearly doomed.
Now we just have 3 years left until the last one starts school which, although it means we have just that many more lame school plays and music recitals to go to, at least we won’t have kids pissing and shitting all over our house. Much.