Yee-haw, Boyeeeee!

Are you bored of plain, old, ordinary line dancing? Have you racked your brain trying to come up with new ways to spice your evenings up? Are you afraid of black people, but secretly admire their sweet, sweet moves? Then buckle the fuck up, cowboy, because Diane Horner is going to rock your goddamn world with… Cowboy Hip Hop!

Presented to you in stunning…

You know why line dancing sucks? Because you have to learn shit. Regular dancing is so much easier, and fun too! Here is the patented Dogs on Drugs dancing technique, honed over an entire decade (i.e. my 20s):

  • Pre-game with three beers and a Kitty Dukakis cocktail (Lysol and seltzer)
  • Go to the nearest bar or dance hall
  • Notice that people are dancing
  • Decide that you need a few more drinks
  • Stay at the bar, drinking beer while your girlfriend gives up on you and starts dancing with other men
  • Switch to doing shots
  • Head out to the parking lot for a few, quick belts of gasoline
  • Notice that the dance floor apparently extends to the motel next door where your girlfriend is now doing a decidedly different kind of dancing
  • Get cut off by the bartender
  • Ask the bartender if he has any spray paint to huff
  • Get 86’d by the bouncer
  • Sneak in the back door
  • Stand in the middle of the dance floor and loudly enough that you’re ready to dance
  • Throw up on your shoes

Hey, don’t knock it. It’s why Dancing With the Stars is so popular.