Let’s talk about guns. Firearm ownership is, I know, a very polarizing subject. There are many among us who wish that guns were banned outright. Others believe that gun ownership is central to our identity as Americans and still serves as protection against an increasingly overbearing government. Then there are people who just want to marry a bitch and shoot themselves some goddamn guns. Continue reading

Notorious cut-up and Official Dogs On Drugs Hall of Fame Commenter B’Homey brought the following video to my attention the other day, and I can honestly say that my life was woefully incomplete until I saw this.

The best part about this video is imagining the totally coked up person who wrote the script explain his idea to an actual human being: Continue reading

I watched Starship Troopers again the other day. Most people I know who have seen that movie think it’s stupid, and cheesy, and not worth seeing once, let alone multiple times. But if you’ve read Heinlein’s 1959 novel of the same name, it stays shockingly close to the original spirit, which was as much a political essay as it was a novel. Heinlein’s meritocratic democracy stands in stark contrast to our own system of government which, in the novel, ultimately collapses because “people had been led to believe that they could simply vote for whatever they wanted… and get it, without toil, without sweat, without tears.” Also, the movie has a shower scene in it, and you get to see some tits. Continue reading

I’ve seen a lot of stupid things in my day (and I’ve been to Indiana, so that’s saying a lot). But this takes the cake:

Right about now, you’re probably getting ready to shoot yourself in the head on the grounds that you just lost 80 IQ points from watching that, and life is better off ending than being spent in a home for people who drool and rub shit in their hair. No one would fault you, that’s for sure, but before you check out, let me tell you the part of this video that haunts me.

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I was driving in rush hour traffic this morning when I thought to myself, “This is fucking bullshit.” This, of course, is far from an original thought. We all hate traffic. If you know anyone who says to his friends, “Hey, it’s almost five o’clock! Let’s see if we can get caught in a traffic jam on the 101!” that person is fucking crazy and you are legally allowed to administer powerful psychotropic drugs to him, even if you need a funnel and a fire hose to do so. Traffic gargles donkey-balls.

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Last Tuesday, at 6:15 in the morning, my six year old woke me up with this statement: “Hi Dad! Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you… I accidentally dropped an eraser in my ear yesterday. And… It’s still there.” I hesitate to say that there is a good time of day to hear this kind of thing, but I can tell you with some confidence that 6:15 AM is not a good time to hear it, even if your son does take the trouble to tell you the news in a faux-casual tone. A quick trip to the bathroom revealed that, yes, there was an eraser in his ear, and yes, I would need to take him to Urgent Care to get it removed. Continue reading

We take a break from our regularly scheduled programming to bring you… HOLY FUCKING SHIT YES HOW GODDAMN FUCKING COOL IS THIS?!?!?!?

(Full screen, sound all the way up. Go.)

I’ve got a couple of interesting things going on right now, nothing that’s for sure yet, but it is eating up some of my time. (I’ll let you know what comes of it later, I promise. Not that you care.) Anyway, we all know what that means: Random video weirdness! First off, a painful lesson from Captain Studmuffin and the Wheelchair crew:

Ouch. As the lady said, their injuries were “minor to moderate”, so it’s ok to make fun of them. (I’m not sure why that is, but hey, I don’t make the rules for this kind of stuff.) I used to live near a river with a lot of boating activity on it, and let me tell you something: People are fucking retarded when they get behind the wheel of a boat. Stone cold morons. Continue reading

Gather ’round, children, as Uncle Greg regales you with another tale of his youth. No, this isn’t another alcohol soaked tale of depravity, but rather a story about great big, huevos, and how having them can sometimes bring you great wealth (and sometimes bring you a well deserved ass-beating). I am going to tell you the story of how a boy named Scott stole a keg of beer. Continue reading

As those of you who live in the United States know, September 3rd was Labor Day which, according to Wikipedia, is a holiday that “celebrates the economic and social contributions of workers”. We celebrate this by doing no labor whatsoever, which is kind of weird given the name of the holiday. They really should change the name to “Sleep In Because You Drank Way Too Much The Entire Weekend Day”. And Wikipedia could update the purpose of the holiday by adding a few words top say that it “celebrates the economic and social contributions of workers by getting shithouse wasted and waking up on the front lawn.” Continue reading