Dogs On Drugs - Yeah, you read that right…
  • Home
  • About
  • Contact
Home
About
Contact
  • Home
  • About
  • Contact
Dogs On Drugs - Yeah, you read that right…
Featured, Random Funny Shit

Somebody Call 119!

Yesterday, I made a reference to the fact that the Japanese phone number for 911 is 119. I would like to point out that even though this number is literally backwards, it in no way should be construed as evidence that Japanese culture in general is backwards or fucked up. That evidence is provided by Japanese TV, which at any given moment can veer from traditional game show format into a graphic depiction of men getting kicked in the balls while scantily clad women eat sushi off of each others breasts. God, how I love Japanese TV.

Continue reading

July 18, 2012by Greg
Brilliant Ideas, Featured, Life In General

The Return of BabyMetal

Regular, long time visitors to this site may recall a momentary fascination with Japanese WTF band BabyMetal. They were even considered (along with Mini-Kiss, Nudist Priest, and Fat Benetar) as an act for the first annual Dogs on Drugs liver-stomping party and AA recruitment drive. But if I have learned one thing during my brief stay on this planet (and I haven’t), it’s that people give you sidelong looks when you’re a grown man trying to hire thirteen year old girls in any capacity, let alone one in which they must fly across the globe to shake their asses on stage for a room full of howling drunks. It just doesn’t look right. Continue reading

July 17, 2012by Greg
Featured, Life In General, Rants

Conversations With Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Daschanel has been making cameo appearances in my life all too often lately. Everywhere I go, I either see Zooey on a TV show, in a commercial, on a magazine cover, or even being prominently mentioned and discussed in the websites that I visit. The other night I walked through the living room and glanced at the TV: Zooey was on a panel of judges for some moronic television show. (I’m surprised that they have any contestants. The day Zooey Deschanel sits in judgement of me is the day I sit down and eat the barrel of a handgun for lunch.) But the real problem is that once you notice the ubiquity of a certain person, the less able you are to ignore it. I see Zooey Deschanel everywhere. Continue reading

July 13, 2012by Greg
Featured, Life In General, Rants

What’s Up, Doc?

The internet is a wondrous invention, providing entertainment to billions of people across the globe. Mostly, this entertainment is provided in the form of videos of dudes being blown by midgets. But the internet is a source of valuable information as well, a tool that we may use to enrich our minds and, indeed, our very lives, or at least it is until you stumble across WebMD and quickly freak yourself out, convincing yourself that you are dying of ball cancer. Continue reading

July 12, 2012by Greg
Featured, Life In General, Rants

Move It, You Old Bags!

I realize that I’ve complained about grocery shopping many, many times before, and although I honestly try not to go to the well too many times, I find myself doing it anyway. This is because people are inconsiderate fucking pricks that make me want to lunge at their genitals with a long and powerful cattle prod. Case in point, the two fucking old bags in front of me at the grocery store this afternoon. Continue reading

July 11, 2012by Greg
Featured, Life In General, Random Funny Shit

The Olympics Are Coming

Every four years we are treated to the Olympic games, and by “treated” I mean forced to watch 187 hours of people walking into a stadium wearing moronic clothing followed by fifteen straight days of women’s gymnastics coverage. This is because gymnastics is an event that is watched by women, and if there’s one thing that gives programming executives multiple, shuddering orgasms, it’s the idea of women getting really, really into sports. So they’ll do anything to keep women interested, running gymnastics non-stop and creating a stirringly emotional and entirely fictional backstory for everyone even remotely associated with the Olympics, including the guy who sells tickets to the loser events like the trampoline event. Continue reading

July 3, 2012by Greg
Featured, Life In General, Random Funny Shit

McWhatTheFuck?

I spent some time today discussing hamburgers and other fast food abominations with a group of self-appointed experts in the field, when the topic of foreign McDonald’s menu items came up. I knew that the McDonald’s experience varied from country to country somewhat, and you could get a beer at McDonald’s in Germany, rice in Japan, or intestinal bleeding in Mexico, but I had no idea the wide range of oddball fucking products they have to offer. So come with me, if you will, on an educational, international, gastronomical journey that I like to call McWhatTheFuck? Continue reading

June 27, 2012by Greg
Featured, Life In General, Random Funny Shit

I’m Pretty Sure Cher Has Been Stealing My Mail

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I’ve lost what few marbles I had to begin with. Well, let’s recount the facts here: First of all, my mail is missing. That much is true. In fact, my entire mailbox is missing. I woke up this morning to find my car parked where my mailbox used to be, keys in the ignition, floorboards littered with empty beer cans. For the life of me, I can’t remember when I went to bed last night, but I can’t imagine that it was later than 10:00, what with it being a weeknight and all. Since I woke up at noon, that means that anyone within twelve hours of Phoenix could have done this, but who? Ok, let’s get to work. It’s time to get all Sherlock Holmes on this motherfucker. Continue reading

June 26, 2012by Greg
Featured, Life In General, Rants

The Muzak Man

When I’m at work I need to concentrate very hard on what I’m doing. This is because I’m a computer programmer, and my job is to focus on complex problem-solving tasks because if I didn’t, I’d hear a coworker start blathering on about Battlestar Galactica or some such shit, and if that happened I’d roll my eyes until they rolled right out of my fucking head. So I need to focus. And because I do, I rarely listen to music while working. It’s distracting, especially if I am listening to Led Zeppelin because once that happens, then I run the very real risk of Rocking The Fuck Out and attracting all the hot bitches to my cube. And then no one gets anything done. Not me, not the hot bitches, and not the drooling IT types outside my cube that couldn’t catch crabs in a whorehouse. Continue reading

June 21, 2012by Greg
Featured, Random Funny Shit, Rants

Let’s Fuck With Al Gore

It’s been a while since I’ve toyed with Al Gore. I used to enjoy lurking in the bushes behind his house and just when he was getting ready to go to sleep… BAM! I’d light a totally unnecessary campfire in his back yard and run like hell. “God dammit!” he’d shout, running into the back yard. “Do you know how much carbon this releases into the atmosphere?” And as he was putting out the campfire, I’d come around the side of his house wearing a hat with the word “PRESS” on the brim and snap his picture. “Wow, Mr. Gore! For someone who loves the environment, you sure do light a lot of unnecessary fires!” One time he got so worked up that Tipper had to come out of the house with a glass of lemonade and a moist towel. “Al, honey, sit down! You know what the doctor said!” I’d laugh and stroll off, saying my goodbyes over my shoulder. “See you, Mr. Gore! I have to drive my Hummer down to the paper to deliver this photo. This is front page news!” Continue reading

June 14, 2012by Greg
Page 30 of 40« First...1020«29303132»40...Last »

Search Dogs on Drugs

Random Posts

  • The Fatherhood Trick
  • I Should Be Commissioner Of All Sports
  • Riding The Rails Of Stupidity

The Best of Dogs on Drugs

Full Glossy For The Win!

Why Led Zeppelin Kicks the Everloving Shit Out Of Every Other Rock Band Ever

Tales Of My Sordid Past - Moronic Roommates Edition

I Done Writed Real Good

\The Face Slimmer

How The "Magic" Happens

A Series Of Letters To Fred Grandy

McWhatTheFuck?

Ladies: Don't Let Trannies Put Things In Your Butt

What If Superheroes Had Public Lice?

Your (Hopefully) One And Only Penis Cancer Alert

Tales Of My Sordid Past - The Grateful Dead Edition

The Ol' Tuck & Tug

My Son Is A Literary Genius

Soup's On!

String Theory Explained

Goofer Patrol

The One Where Foreigner Refuses To Make Me A Sandwich

Humor, Interrupted

Mr.Patel

The Freshman

Classless

The Fatherhood Trick

'Ung Like An 'Addock 'E Is!

Order In The Court

The Sexual Habits Of Pac-Man

Bonehead: Behind the Music

The $25,000 Beer-a-mid

Mileage

A Kick In The "Grass"

Ride Into The Dipshit Zone

Get Lost

Game On

Make That A Double(mint)

Cheers

The Brothers Gibberish

A Post Of Biblical Proportions

Princess Showanda

All Poo-Poos Must Go!

Cover Me, Porkins

Tales Of The Deadly Dinosaur

The Ballad Of Alice Dee

A Different Book Of Job

Toilet Humor

Marcy Playground

Rub It

Charlie Brown Is High On Peyote

Smiles, Everyone, Smiles!

OK

Murder, She Gropes

The One Where I Challenge Peter Cetera To A Fistfight

What Starship Troopers Has To Say About Long Distance Relationships

Oui, Oui!

Ruined

Narc!

Something Useless This Way Comes

Illegal Contact

The Official Dogs On Drugs Trailer

“I started with Brixton to provide you with daily fresh new ideas about trends. It is a very clean and elegant Wordpress Theme suitable for every blogger. Perfect for sharing your lifestyle.”

© 2020 Dogs on Drugs
What are you looking at?