I paid an attractive woman in her 20’s money to physically pleasure me yesterday.

If you’ve never gotten a full-body massage, I highly recommend it. Having a person assigned to rubbing your body makes you feel like a goddamn Egyptian pharaoh. I always feel like barking out, “Massage whore! My hamstrings require attention. Rub them vigorously, I command it!” This, of course, would be a horrendously short-sighted thing to do considering the strength of my masseuse’s hands and her constant proximity to my nuts. Continue reading