Ladies, I know that your lives can be difficult sometimes. Sometimes you find yourself walking in the woods alone, or frolicking with children, totally devoid of purpose because you are Without Your Man. But that doesn’t mean that you should sit on the couch, scarfing down bon-bons like Oprah on Easter morning. Don’t you want to have a good shape? He wants you with a good shape, goddammit. Stop porking the fuck out, and think of your man, for chrissakes! Otherwise, you’re not going to stick in his mind, and then what happens? Well, I’ll tell you what happens: One day you’ll walk in to find him elbow deep in your sister, that is what will happen, you fat, selfish pig. But don’t take my word for it. Listen to your good friends at the Coca-Cola corporation: