It’s Wednesday night, and I don’t feel like doing shit. This is bad news for my family if the house happens to catch on fire, but good news for you, the reader, because it means I’ll post wacky videos instead of telling you at great length how drunk I used to get in college (very). So without further ado, I give you this crazy bitch:

I’ll be honest with you, I was totally unaware that dick will make you slap somebody. I’ve had a dick my entire life, and I’ve only been slapped once. (I was in a bar and reacted to a Def Leppard song being played by yelling “Def Lefty!”, pulling my left arm out of its shirt sleeve and pretending to play the drums. A girl at the next table jumped up, slapped me, and informed me that her brother had only one arm. I bet that shit never happens to Def Leppard’s drummer.) Continue reading