if I had a time machine, I would use it to go back in time, learn how to play guitar like an absolute motherfucker, just so I could do what Slash does here. Then I’d retire, because this, my friends, is the absolute pinnacle.

After a long weekend of huffing drain cleaner yard work and lurking in the women’s bathroom at Denny’s wholesome living, I was a fucking wreck at the office today. I had a grand total of one hour’s worth of sleep last night, and it showed. (Related: I am no longer allowed to participate in the peer review process or own a stapler.) And if there’s one thing this blog has consistently taught us over the years, it’s this: When I’m too tired to post, everyone suffers.