My five year old son fell down the stairs this morning.  Those things are a goddamn hazard, aren’t they?  Hey, you know what would be safer than stairs?  Fucking anything!

Seriously, put a slide right next to the stairs and your kids would never fall down the stairs again.  They’d slide down, and to judge by their behavior in the playground, they’d climb the slide right back up again.  And if they fall going up the slide, wheeeee!  Down they go.  Who cares?  Plus, they’d be distracted enough to stop staring at the TV long enough that we could finally put the Disney Channel out of business.  (Editor: Disney assassins are on their way as we speak.)