Geico Stops Trying


I was stretching my legs at work the other day when a curious buzzing noise caused me to look up. There, up in the sky, was a small propellor-driven plane towing a banner reading “Geico”. Really, Geico? This is the best you have now? I picture a bunch of suit-clad assholes in a board room somewhere, frowning at a chart with nasty looking downward pointing arrows. “We’ve flooded the market with caveman ads, and for some reason that doesn’t seem to be doing the trick! Gentlemen, no one leaves this room until we come up with a fresh idea.” And then sixteen hours later, someone convinces everyone else that they can capture the coveted “outside and looking up” demographic by pulling shit behind a plane.

How fucking bereft of ideas do you have to be in order to resort to plane-based advertising? And why such a backwards technology? Did anyone consider Victrola-based advertising? Or maybe paint the company slogan on the side of a horseless carriage? I’ve got it! Have a guy sit on a flagpole with a giant Geico sign! Twenty-two skidoo, that idea is the bees knees, really swell! How old are the people on Geico’s board of directors for fuck’s sake?

Geico is a multi-billion dollar, multi-national corporation with access to print media, television networks, and has a potential pipeline into billions of homes via the internet, and they’ve shrewdly decided to invest in a bit of cloth and a guy in a plane named Sparky. Shouldn’t that concern shareholders? It concerns me, and I don’t have anything to do with Geico.

Look, planes towing banners have their purpose, but advertising for major corporations isn’t it. Their purpose is 100% devoted to pranks. I mean, I guess you could propose to someone that way. “Amber – Will you marry me? Love, Kevin” But you’re really tempting fate when you do that because how tempting is it for the rest of the plane advertisers (who, really, have nothing but time on their hands) to throw together another banner to display fifteen seconds later: “Don’t do it, Kevin! Amber has the herp!” Pretty fucking tempting is my guess.

And she's really a dude.

And she's really a dude.

But none of this apparently crosses the mind of those crack visionaries over at Geico. They are too busy trying to spray paint “Geico” on the side of a whale to be concerned that any effort they’re spending might be spent better somewhere else.

15 Responses to “Geico Stops Trying”

  1. I was at the beach one year, and someone had a sign behind a plane saying “Show me your titties, you’re on camera!” I couldn’t help but laugh.

  2. Brett Minor says:

    I think they were circling the State Farm building. Just rubbing it in their face. “Look we have a plane and all your employees are looking at us right now! Suck it!”

    • Greg says:

      I’m sorry, I can’t allow mocking like that unless it’s more overt. An acceptable banner would have read something like, “Fuck you, State Farm!”

  3. LA Juice says:

    No, no you cannot propose that way- THAT, to me is the lamest form of proposal. Except the baseball Big Screen. That said, if Lance proposed to me at a Home Red Wings game, via Big Scoreboard Screen, I would say yes, and it would be memorable.

    Still- you know what is more romantic? Proposing me to at a Wings game, BUT spending that advertising dollar getting me a bigger Canadian diamond in a platinum Tiffany 6 prong setting.

    • Vesta Vayne says:

      I’m with Juice. Airplane banner proposal is a no-go.

      Maybe there was a gecko or caveman in the cockpit??

      • Greg says:

        Yeah, I never said it was a good idea, but it would be memorable if the plane crashed afterwards, wouldn’t it? Something to tell the kids after the divorce was finalized. “I knew I should’ve called it off after that plane crash. Your mom is a harpy, kids!”

  4. Rusty says:

    But it has tunnelled a way into our homes mate

    You’re doing their work

  5. Heather says:

    There is always one sentence in every post that kills me. KILLS ME. However, I have the inability to type in foul language so I can’t tell you which sentence that is. This one was hilarious. Hilarious!

    • Greg says:

      Oh no! That is going to drive me nuts! Does it have the word “coveted” in it?

      • Heather says:

        No way! Yes! Yes it does!

      • Pish Posh says:

        I like the coveted sentence, and I’m frequently in that demographic, considering I basically teach at Top Gun, but what do I know? I voted for Bobby Brady. I was going for the unknown factor – that kid has totally got college-frat-boy-pot-head-plays-in-a-band-becomes-IT-guy-carries-hunting-knife-in-desert-has-daughter-that-shits-on-walls-guy.

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