I know a lot of really funny people. Some of them in real life, some online, and some are members of the inter-dimensional race of beings that reveal themselves to me in geometrical shapes when I rub my eyes. But when I want funny, and it’s got to be hilarious, The Onion brings it like a 104 mph fastball every fucking time.

So, not like I need to plug The Onion or anything, but this is so damn funny it literally made my sides hurt from laughing: