Notorious cut-up and Official Dogs On Drugs Hall of Fame Commenter B’Homey brought the following video to my attention the other day, and I can honestly say that my life was woefully incomplete until I saw this.
The best part about this video is imagining the totally coked up person who wrote the script explain his idea to an actual human being:
Writer: Ok, so Charles Bronson watches a guy play piano for a while, right?
Man-Dom Executive: Ok, like he’s in a bar?
Writer: No! It’s just him and some guy playing piano. But it’s not a gay thing.
Man-Dom Executive: Well, it’d be ok if it was. We are selling a product called Man-Dom.
Writer: Charles Bronson IS NOT GAY!
Man-Dom Executive: Ok, ok. Then what?
Writer: He has a moment with a doorman.
Man-Dom Executive: A moment?
Writer: Yeah, like they’re old friends. Bronson gets in his car and hauls ass home, like at 140 mph.
Man-Dom Executive: What?
Writer: Yeah, he’s like fucking stoked to go home and put on some Man-Dom.
Man-Dom Executive: Wouldn’t he do that before he went out?
Writer: No! Charles Bronson doesn’t need to impress anyone! He just uses Man-Dom to wind down.
Man-Dom Executive: Uh, ok.
Writer: So he gets home, and he’s got this ultra-swank apartment, right? Because he’s Charles Fucking Bronson.
Man-Dom Executive: Ok.
Writer: He grabs a pipe and then hurls his shirt 40 feet into the air.
Man-Dom Executive: Wait, what?
Writer: Yeah, and then he sprinkles on like five gallons of Man-Dom while he’s having flashbacks about shooting a bunch of people.
Man-Dom Executive: Hey, wait a minute…
Writer: Shut the fuck up, I’m on a roll here. Then, after he puts on all this Man-Dom, he kicks back in a chair, smokes a pipe-full of crystal meth, and like, jerks it for an hour.
Man-Dom Executive: You’re fired.
Writer: Too late. This commercial has already been running for a week.