All The World?

Notorious cut-up and Official Dogs On Drugs Hall of Fame Commenter B’Homey brought the following video to my attention the other day, and I can honestly say that my life was woefully incomplete until I saw this.

The best part about this video is imagining the totally coked up person who wrote the script explain his idea to an actual human being:

Writer: Ok, so Charles Bronson watches a guy play piano for a while, right?

Man-Dom Executive: Ok, like he’s in a bar?

Writer: No! It’s just him and some guy playing piano. But it’s not a gay thing.

Man-Dom Executive: Well, it’d be ok if it was. We are selling a product called Man-Dom.

Writer: Charles Bronson IS NOT GAY!

Man-Dom Executive: Ok, ok. Then what?

Writer: He has a moment with a doorman.

Man-Dom Executive: A moment?

Writer: Yeah, like they’re old friends. Bronson gets in his car and hauls ass home, like at 140 mph.

Man-Dom Executive: What?

Writer: Yeah, he’s like fucking stoked to go home and put on some Man-Dom.

Man-Dom Executive: Wouldn’t he do that before he went out?

Writer: No! Charles Bronson doesn’t need to impress anyone! He just uses Man-Dom to wind down.

Man-Dom Executive: Uh, ok.

Writer: So he gets home, and he’s got this ultra-swank apartment, right? Because he’s Charles Fucking Bronson.

Man-Dom Executive: Ok.

Writer: He grabs a pipe and then hurls his shirt 40 feet into the air.

Man-Dom Executive: Wait, what?

Writer: Yeah, and then he sprinkles on like five gallons of Man-Dom while he’s having flashbacks about shooting a bunch of people.

Man-Dom Executive: Hey, wait a minute…

Writer: Shut the fuck up, I’m on a roll here. Then, after he puts on all this Man-Dom, he kicks back in a chair, smokes a pipe-full of crystal meth, and like, jerks it for an hour.

Man-Dom Executive: You’re fired.

Writer: Too late. This commercial has already been running for a week.

16 Responses to “All The World?”

  1. Steve says:

    The inspiration for Lost in Translation: “Lip my stocking, Mr. Bob Harris!”

  2. LA Juice says:

    Holy shit. And I thought the commercial with Joe Namath wearing pantyhose was telling, but even the most flamboyant of my gay male friends have never pirouetted in the air while removing a shirt.

    No wonder Bronson was so angry. Closeted and a vigilante. its a wonder he wasn’t making mail-bombs in Montana somewhere.

  3. Nico says:

    Why the fuck was the valet so damned happy? That’s what’ll haunt my dreams.

  4. Rusty says:

    … yep

    That Mr Bronson probably doesn’t even know he’s in an advert

  5. Birdman says:

    Oh, I loved the video, then the dialogue hit me like a ton of fucking hilarity. Awesome job.

  6. CassieCros13 says:

    Mandom, holy shit 😀 I can’t stop laughing now.

    Out of curiosity, what does it take to get on the commenter HOF? 😀

    • Greg says:

      Oh, I dunno usually it’s a quid pro quo kinda thing with cross-site commenting. And I have to remember to do it, which seems to be an issue with me.

  7. Reanna says:

    The horse whinny really did it for me. Made me assume ManDom doubles as giant dong lubricant.

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