Do you remember the TV show Alice? Of course you don’t. That show is fucking ancient, and so it is only remembered by crusty old fucks like me who also remember doing the Lindy Hop and what it was like to get fellated by Amelia Earhart (the woman knew how to give a hummer, I’ll give her that). So let me give you a rundown: Some bitch with a kid decides to move to LA to become a singer because she’s a fucking idiot, but her car breaks down in Phoenix and she winds up working for 9 fucking years in a shit-hole diner with a cook who has more back hair then Ed Asner. Continue reading

I’m not a big fan of energy drinks, normally. I think they’re merely caffeine dressed up with whatever trendy chemicals some Madison Avenue assholes think will appeal to the average consumer. Trust me, if ground placenta became trendy, you’d be seeing cans of Rock Star for sale complete with umbilical cord. So for the most part I just drink coffee. It’s a hell of a lot cheaper, and I can be pretty sure that Chinese dissidents were not drowned in the vat it came out of. Continue reading