Serious Fucking Business

The World Of International Bidness!

As my long time readers are no doubt aware, Dogs On Drugs has long been a trusted authority in the world of international finance and business. I’ve got business acumen like a motherfucking wildman, yo. South of the border, I am known as Señor Acumen. Peasants doff their sombreros when I pass, and slay their burros in sorrow when I leave. So it should come as no surprise to you that I have been named to the 2013 Worldwide Registry of Business Professionals. That’s right, read it and weep, people. I am now fucking unstoppable. You may call me Señor Unstoppable Juggernaut Acumen, and you’d better have a fucking burro handy.

From: Michael Middleton
Subject: Invitation – Please Complete Your Profile
Date: May 17th, 2013 5:46 PM
To: Greg (greg@dogsondrugs.com)

Hello,

You were recently chosen to represent your professional community, deeming you eligible for the inclusion in the new 2013 Edition of Worldwide Registry for Business Professionals.

We are pleased to inform you that your candidacy was formally approved on February 1st, 2013. Congratulations!

Click here (link redacted) to verify your profile and accept the candidacy

The Publishing Committee selected you as a professional based not only upon your current standing, but focusing as well on criteria from executive and professional directories, associations, and trade journals. Given your background, the Director believes your profile makes a fitting addition to our publication.

As we are working off of secondary sources, we must receive verification from you that your profile is accurate. After receiving verification, we will validate your registry listing within seven business days.

Once finalized, your listing will share prominent registry space with thousands of fellow accomplished individuals across the globe, each representing accomplishment within their own geographical area.

To verify your profile and accept the candidacy, please click here (link redacted).

Please kindly note that our registration deadline for this year’s publication is June 1st, 2013. To ensure you are included, we must receive your verification on or before this date.

On behalf of our Committee I salute your achievement and welcome you to our association.

Sincerely yours,

Michael F. Middleton
Vice-President, Publication Division
Worldwide Registry for Business Professionals

Yeah, that sounds legit.

From: Greg
Subject: Memo, Re: Michael Middleton and Wife Beating
Date: June 5th, 2013 8:41 PM
To: Michael Middleton

Dear Michael,

Holy fucking shit, I am going to be in the 2013 Worldwide Registry for Business Professionals? Well, knock me over and fuck me sideways, it is about fucking time! If there are two words that people use to describe me, they are “business professional”. Some people might disagree with that, but they’re forgetting that “motherfucker” is one word, so it doesn’t count.

Anyway, I can’t fucking wait to be listed amongst other professionals like that one guy in the suit, or that other guy in the suit. Or that guy that likes to call a lot of meetings! I’m just fucking like them! As I’m sure you know, I am the CEO of a multi-national publishing concern that is, in reality, a front for smuggling the reefer. It is a difficult job, but I love it. I rule my empire like an iron fisted despot, slow to reason and quick to anger. You fail to include a cover sheet with your faxes at your motherfucking peril, that’s for goddamn sure. I pay this one guy, Raoul, to walk the building dressed as the Angel of Death. This, I’m told, is terrible for morale, which is exactly why I do it. Also, it makes layoffs fucking hilarious.

Hey, Michael, what do you say we get together for a Business Lunch? We could discuss synergy, theories on market-cap valuation, and strategies for converting stock options into sweet, sweet poon-tang.

Just let me know, and I’ll have my girl call your girl.

Greg

Kennel Master,
Dogs on Drugs
http://dogsondrugs.com