Battle Of The “Bands”

A few days ago, I posted a video, the infamous “This Is My Fucking Single” post which was a big hit in that it made people want to hit me, big time. Actually, I don’t know what all the whining was about. I mean, we’re talking about a deaf castrato teen prancing around his room in front of a green screen. I can remember practicing some rock moves in my room as a teen, and although I hope that even my worst outtakes would blow “This Is My Fucking Single” out of the water, I’m certainly glad no that film footage exists to check my memory.

Once you hit middle-age, however, you need to ditch the rock dreams. Play music, sure. Have fun, do whatever floats your boat. But if the words, “music video”, “record deal”, or “American flag bandana” start popping up, you need to just fucking walk away.

I love how the “hottie” lets the douchebag singer keep the twenty bucks. “Here, tell your rhythm guitar player to buy a fucking shirt.”

At least they kind of put some effort into it. I mean, you didn’t want them to, and once they started you couldn’t get them to stop, but they tried, unlike Wally World, the world’s first band to record a music video while in the process of overdosing on prescription cough syrup.

Jesus, that lead singer looks Ozzy Osbourne’s aborted twin brother. But the star of the video is the bikini babe, who clearly only agreed to appear in the video because Wally World is sleeping on her couch. I can’t get over how… distracted everyone acts. It’s as if the director said, “Ok, we’re going to nail this in one take, and then at the end I’m going to shoot one of you in the face.” Their minds are elsewhere.

This next video serves as a cautionary example of why you do not recruit boy band members from a Russian mental institute:

If this is post-Soviet Russia, I say bring back the gulags. Christ, no amount of potato vodka and cheap, Chinese heroin would make this acceptable. This is like watching an Old Navy commercial on acid while receiving a lobotomy.

Ok, I’ll stop torturing everyone. I would like you to watch this last, very short video because it shows the correct way to respond to the fact that your band is about to play a Bon Jovi song.