No Post Tonight

I was too busy having forty-seven heart attacks while watching the Blackhawks outlast the Bruins 4-3 in three fucking overtimes to write a post tonight. Seriously, this kind of shit ages me. I love it, don’t get me wrong, but man, I get so fucking nervous that it can’t be good for me. In between OT periods, I built one of my kid’s LEGO sets (a really cool space shuttle) just to take my mind off of the craziness. Anyway, for those of you Bruins fans ready to throw yourself off of a cliff right about now, it could be worse. You could be forced to listen to this over and over and over again:

15 Responses to “No Post Tonight”

  1. Nico says:

    I think I understood “this is my fucking single.” but that was it. I did really like when he turned around and feigned surprise at fat Monica dancing behind him. True commitment to the moment.

    Now fuck you for showing that to me.

  2. Becky says:

    And now i decide what to stab first. My ears? My eyes? My memory-brain?

  3. Reanna says:

    I’m with Nico on all counts… except I’m pretty sure I also heard “ooh baby.” I think the worst part is that I watched it all the way through. The best part is that I’m sending it to the douche who’s been forwarding happy, loving Christian shit to me recently…

    • Greg says:

      Yeah, well I watched it twice. Actually, I’m glad I did because I realized the second time through that he added overdubs, which was as funny as it was pathetic.

    • Nico says:

      That is a genius idea. Use it as a weapon, or a reply to questions you don’t want to answer.

      • Reanna says:


        “Are you available to work overtime?”

        “Ooooh baby… yabba blergmelor shiima goop… this is my fucking single!”

        Now THAT ought to get me some time off.

        • Nico says:

          If I had a smart phone, I’d have that video at the ready. I’d raise my hand slowly, deliberately – wordlessly – and play it for anyone I deemed unworthy of using up my talking-oxygen with. Or, maybe if I was in the middle of chewing a caramel cookie Twix.

          • Reanna says:

            That’s a great idea. I have a dumb phone too, but shit like this makes me re-consider upgrading. I’d love to play that in the “round-table” portion of the meetings I’m forced to attend.

            “What would you like to add, Reanna?”

            “Blerg ooohamagoola gerrpalongap Jupalore!!!” I think I’d throw a pelvic thrust in there too while people watched, listened, and vomited a bit.

          • Greg says:

            Ok, because I love my commenters, and I seem to be able to decipher moronese more easily than the rest (I was exposed to it a lot at my ex-wife’s family functions), I’m going to try to transcribe the first verse and chorus of this minor masterpiece:

            Oooh, baby, baby, yeah
            Oooh, ooh
            One time you blew my mind
            And I didn’t know what had happened
            My heart was beating slowly
            Everybody thinks they know me
            What they don’t know is that
            ? ? ? every time
            C’mon baby, I don’t know
            I’m right here now, that’s for sure
            You can see you have me, baby
            ? on the wire
            But I’m still (glowing?)
            ? ? ? everything
            I’m always here and that’s a fact
            ? ? ? ? ?
            Don’t worry I’m single
            And this is my fucking single

            You know, what? I had to keep pausing and restarting that, and watching his hand movements and listening to it over and over… I think this guy is fucking deaf. Not kidding. It would explain an awful lot. Huh.

          • Nico says:

            Ordinarily, I’d be able to fill in the blanks of not understanding what’s being said by lip reading – which I do fairly well for someone who can hear – but this guy’s mouth was not only mumbling, but also inexplicable. I was so distracted by how weird it looked, I couldn’t make sense of anything.

  4. Vonny says:

    I, too, think he’s deaf. No excuses, though, his fucking single is fucking awful. Did you notice all the credits at the end? That many people worked on this masterpiece and it is still so bad.

    • Greg says:

      I agree. I’m not one of those PC people that will say that someone’s singing is beautiful, and we can’t judge it because he’s “handi-capable”. No, he’s fucking deaf, and it fucking shows.

      Hey, speaking of which, here is a genuine deaf guy singing some difficult shit: Iron Maiden is not my cup of tea, but it’s not the kind of thing you can just bust out. And this guy fucking butchers it, but him and his buddy are having a fucking ball with it, and it’s 1,000,000% better than This Is My Fucking Single.

  5. […] few days ago, I posted a video, the infamous “This Is My Fucking Single” post which was a big hit in that it made […]

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