The shopping mall is a uniquely American experience.  Oh, sure, other countries have malls, but they’re really fucked up.  I was at a shopping mall in Mexico, for instance, and the mall cops there having fucking Uzis.  That’s not cool.  Here in America, the mall cops have pepper spray, which is much safer.  Well, safer for everyone but the mall cops, because in America it’s the shoppers that are carrying Uzis, and with good reason:  The mall cops are carrying pepper spray!  I also remember that about a year ago, the terrorist group Boko Haram bombed a mall in Nigeria, which caused me all kinds of confusion.  “What?  Procol Harum bombed a shopping mall?”  (I might need to get my hearing checked.) Continue reading