When I was in high school, the country was in the middle of the Hair Metal era, which was characterized by grown men with guitars who spent more time applying mascara than playing their goddamn instruments. I fucking hated hair metal, and still do. It was spangly, neon, makeup-laden, and emphasized everything about the music industry that I hated. If you were alive in the late 80’s, chances are that you experienced the same Power Ballad overdose that I did. If it’s true that Every Rose Has Its Thorn, then I wanted to pour 85 gallons of DDT on that rose and just be fucking done with it.

There were some bands in that era that made me literally want to vomit, Poison and Warrant being at the top of that list. But for some reason, I really, REALLY hated Bon Jovi, or as I referred to them, Bon Juvie, because only a twelve year old girl could fall for such hokey bullshit (probably since they both shopped at Claire’s). They wore sequined trench-coats, poofed their hair to the moon, and made asinine videos that featured asinine people in asinine costumes striking asinine poses to asinine music.

But, and I hate to admit this, I love this new version of Livin’ on a Prayer: