Bon Juvie

When I was in high school, the country was in the middle of the Hair Metal era, which was characterized by grown men with guitars who spent more time applying mascara than playing their goddamn instruments. I fucking hated hair metal, and still do. It was spangly, neon, makeup-laden, and emphasized everything about the music industry that I hated. If you were alive in the late 80’s, chances are that you experienced the same Power Ballad overdose that I did. If it’s true that Every Rose Has Its Thorn, then I wanted to pour 85 gallons of DDT on that rose and just be fucking done with it.

There were some bands in that era that made me literally want to vomit, Poison and Warrant being at the top of that list. But for some reason, I really, REALLY hated Bon Jovi, or as I referred to them, Bon Juvie, because only a twelve year old girl could fall for such hokey bullshit (probably since they both shopped at Claire’s). They wore sequined trench-coats, poofed their hair to the moon, and made asinine videos that featured asinine people in asinine costumes striking asinine poses to asinine music.

But, and I hate to admit this, I love this new version of Livin’ on a Prayer:

16 Responses to “Bon Juvie”

  1. Vonny says:

    Damn, those goats get around. Their hair looks better, too.

  2. Nico says:

    You are like one of my kids with those damned screaming animals.

    When I was a kid, I hated when I was out of state (like for camping up north or whatever) and other girls would find out I was from New Jersey and they’d get all excited and ask if they could TOUCH me because I was from the same state as Bon Jovi. I don’t like when people touch me and think about Bon Jovi.

  3. Rose says:

    Hands-down the best line in this post: Nickleback- Version 1.0
    That and ,”Aaaauuuuaaaaaaahhhhh.”

  4. Vesta Vayne says:

    Ugh. Hair rock. Bon Jovie.

    I never understood why women love the guy.

  5. Groovekitten says:

    Poison was the worst, Bret Michaels creeps me the hell out to this day. Ratt and Whitesnake need mention as well. Gross. So much mousse and so many bandanas.

    • Greg says:

      Yeah, Bret Michaels is an über-douche. Little known Bret Michaels fact: The ever present bandana is there to hide the fact that he has testicles growing from his forehead.

  6. Colin says:

    hmm that is how I feel about the beatles

  7. Reanna says:

    The 80s was the decade of feminizing men, and it’s only gotten worse. I certainly did listen to hair bands back then, but the make-up and shit made me crazy.

    My favourite goat vid is the Taylor Swift one. I could not stop laughing when I first saw it.

    • Greg says:

      It was the ultimate remix of that song that started the whole goat/song kick on here, although we were on a goat kick for a while before that (just not set to music). As that troll-looking motherfucker Billy Joel once said, Don’t Ask Me Why.

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