My eleven year old daughter came home from a day at the mall with friends this weekend, and she told me that her school bus driver drives the little mall choo-choo on weekends.  I guess she must really enjoy driving kids around, which puts her in a minority of one.  Because, let’s face it, kids are a fucking nightmare on the road.  My kids, when they’re not pissing, shitting, or puking in the back seat, will either be grinding food into the upholstery or punching each other in the teeth.  Sometimes all of these at the same time.

Ok, not me personally.  But he did call anyone who denies his version of “climate science” something akin to a racist.  And since I’m one of the many, many people calling for legitimate science to be performed, instead of the relying on Al’s proselytizing dumb-fuckery, he means me.  Behold, Green Jesus:

“One day, climate change skeptics will be seen in the same negative light as racists.”

Well, chalk up a whole bunch more racists then.  CERN (the place where all the braniacs built the Large Hadron Collider) released a study claiming that cosmic rays are the largest driver of climate change.  And far from being the work of a lone scientist who had been huffing paint, the study involved 60 countries, 8,000 scientists, and 600 universities.  This is serious science, not some asshole running around yelling “Bullshit, you fucking racist!” every time someone lays a fact out for the world to see.

Here’s a conversation I just had with my five year old son upon learning that he had a new girl in class.

Me:  Is Riley your friend?

Him:  No

Me:  Why not?

Him:  Because she’s new!

Me:  You know, it’s kind of scary to be the new kid.  Why don’t you walk up to her tomorrow and say, “Hi!  You’re new here, aren’t you?  Do you want to play?”

Him:  I can’t do that!  She’ll say no!

Me:  Oh, I’m sure she’d love to play with you.

Him:  No she won’t.  She’ll say no!

Me:  Why would she say no?

Him:  Because I keep kicking her in the back!

So, life lesson #1 for my little guy:  If you want a girl to play with you, don’t kick her in the back.