The Week In Review
You know what’s wonderful about the internet? Any random weirdo can express their views. You can start a blog, or just comment on other people’s web pages. You can upload a video of yourself to YouTube or, if you’re feeling rather saucy, have total strangers violate every orifice in your body for an hour and post that online. Or you can self-publish a book on Amazon, such as the following literary masterpiece, Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children. Yes, that’s a real book, with real words in it and everything, although it’s hard to consider the words effective when they’re IN ALL UPPERCASE AND ARRANGED NEARLY SENSE NONE WITH:> PUNCTUATION ; RANDOM!!!
Let’s look at one of the more particularly sane quotes, shall we?
BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED: TO>>DISCREDIT: THE AUTHOR. BUT IN TRUTH: I AM A HOLYSPIRIT CHOSEN ANOINTED DISCIPLE FOR GOD & CHRIST JESUS. EVEN FOR JEWS, MUSLIMS & GENTILE SINNERS.
Fucking computer dictators, always changing words to discredit people and shit. I think it is clear that everyone should go to Amazon.com and buy this book for the low, low price of… What the fuck? $130.98? Yeah, you know what? The computer dictators are right. This bitch is fucking nuts.
Bitch, I'm not made of money! Just my clothes! So I'm going with a more cost-effective God, like Tangata-Manu. Salvation on the cheap, bitches!
On to the week you missed locked up in that trunk in the basement while guys in beards called you “the Gimp”:
- On Monday, we learned that “Champ got knocked out tonight” as well as what Donkey Kong would look like if he was a miniature weirdo on speed.
- On Tuesday, I had nothing to say so instead I taught impressionable teens how to smuggle cocaine over the border using parakeets and their rectum. You’re welcome.
- Wednesday found me preaching against giving kids what they want for their birthday because kids are fucking morons. I mean, if they’re so smart how come I have to buy beer for them? Why can’t they figure that shit out for themselves?
- And on Thursday we learned that Subway’s Jared got fat while renting porn which may explain why it’s so hard to get napkins there. Ewwwww, gross.
Be strong, hug your loved ones, pray to Tangata-Manu and we’ll all get through this week together people.
Wow. I have no words for that abomination you posted, but I can only say this… this is why it’s so damned hard to be a legitimate writer. Because for every good writer that has worked his ass off to master his craft, there are 20 crazies that have written a massive, steaming pile of shit and are trying to shove it in the face of anyone they can get their grubby little hands on. I’m going to go kill myself now. Or maybe, as that “author” might say, I WILL FOR SHOOT MY FACE BECAUSE I HOLY MAN OF CHRIST JESUS LORD OF THE DANCE
Frustrating, no? Allow Google to further blow your mind:
Results when searching for Heinlein “Stranger in a Strange Land” – 386,000
Results when searching for “Birth control is sinful in the Christian marriages” – 1,040,000
From this, we learn the following:
* Classic science fiction is 1/3 as popular as random words that include the phrase “CHRIST JESUS”
* We value lunatic ravings 10 times more than an actual book with a plot (judging by Amazon’s price)
* The world is officially fucked in the head.
On the bright side… Ummm, there is a bright side, isn’t there? Ahh, wait, here it is. (psssshhht!) Morning beers. Gotta love those.