The Week In Review

casino

My wife and I celebrated her cousin’s birthday on Saturday night by getting totally sideways at the Talking Stick Resort which is an Indian Casino with absolutely insane rules. For instance, they let you bring whatever booze you want down to the pool, which is nice because like all Indian casinos, they charge seven bucks for a beer. But they will not let you bring a beer from your hotel room down to the casino floor, even if it is one that they sold you. Also, they stop serving alcohol at 2:00 AM, which is total bullshit from my point of view, and completely idiotic from theirs. Think of all the moronic bets you’re passing up on, Talking Stick! “Put it all on red-36. Yes, even the children!”

There were a whole bunch of other weird rules, most of which I was informed of only after I broke them: You can’t hop into the hot tub fully clothed, you can’t pretend to be the valet guy, and calling the 7 foot guy standing in the club “Lurch” is one way to get kicked out. Oh, and they don’t like it when you repeatedly greet the English bartender with increasingly bizarre phrases such as, “Right! Wot all this, then?”, “And… Bob’s your uncle, here’s a quid for the lager.”, and “I say luv, where’s the bloody WC?”

But what I remember of the evening was a lot of fun, even if casinos outside of Las Vegas are pathetic by comparison. Where are the exploding volcanos? The man-eating lions separated from your drunken, taunting ass by a half an inch of glass? Where are the women wearing outfits so revealing that you can tell that, hey, she wears a clit-ring? And the street vendors handing out free pornography? The only thing the Indian casinos have in common are slot machines, which have been put on the “ass-raping” setting, which makes every spin an almost winner, and hoovers your wallet faster than a teenage daughter at the mall. “That’s for taking our land. Fuck you.” I can’t say that I blame them.

As embarrassing as it is to lose all of your money, it's twice as embarrassing to lose it all playing Lucky Larry's Lobstermania.

As embarrassing as it is to lose all of your money, it's twice as embarrassing to lose it all playing Lucky Larry's Lobstermania.

On to the week you missed while you were chasing an inside straight…

Dogs On Drugs has no sponsors, in large part because I like to use words such as taint-licker. But that doesn’t keep me from putting ads on the site. It ‘s Involuntary Advertising:

Last week’s poll results are in, and the candidate people believed is most likely to have participated in an MMF three-way is… Rick Santorum.

Which Presidential candidate is most likely to have participated in a MMF three-way? (MMF = Male Male Female)

  • Rick Santorum (35%, 6 Votes)
  • Newt Gingrich (29%, 5 Votes)
  • Barack Obama (24%, 4 Votes)
  • Ron Paul (6%, 1 Votes)
  • Mitt Romney (6%, 1 Votes)

Total Voters: 17

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I disagree with these findings. First of all, Rick Santorum is so nauseatingly holy and self-righteous, I bet he showers with his clothes on for fear of seeing anything sinful. And Newt Gingrich? Sure, he may have wanted an open marriage, but can imagine anyone accepting an offer of a 3 way with Newt? Would you? I believe the words you’re looking for are “Fuck” and “No!”

Of the remaining candidates, Ron Paul is so old that he remembers the Rolling Stones’ first tour, so if he has had an MMF three-way, it would have had to have been before the invention of sex. Barack Obama seems like he’s a likely three-way kind of guy, but something tells me that he talks a much better game when it comes to his sexual prowess. “Can I give you an orgasm so intense that you black out for 45 seconds? Yes, I can!” And then he shoots his load pulling his dick out of his pants.

That leaves Mitt Romney, who has the advantages of being a good-looking guy and also being a Mormon, a religion that is just a stone’s throw away from community shagging. But no one agreed with me. You know why? Because everyone else is wrong. Wrong! The correct answer was, D. Mitt Romney.

Mitt Romney: Down with "polling" the electorate, yo.

Mitt Romney: Down with "polling" the electorate, yo.

Ok, onward and upward. Have a great week, people.

12 Responses to “The Week In Review”

  1. Vonny says:

    Careful there Mr.Dogs, I remember the Rolling Stones’ first tour, even went to one of their concerts. And believe me, it was not before the invention of sex. You kids think you invented everything.

    The correct answer is not Mitt Romney because there is no way two people would want to be in an intimate situation with him. Blech! Good-looking? Only if you get off on the men’s underwear models in the Sears catalogue.

    • Greg says:

      Yeah, well, Mitt Romney is a presidential candidate in 2012, so he’s good looking relative to the rest of those jerk-bags.

  2. LA Juice says:

    Right! Wot’ that then? Bob’s your uncle I say good man.

    I have been wanting to get in on that joke, forevah. I lived in London for about a year in the 1990s.

  3. Vesta Vayne says:

    Seven bucks a beer?? Holy hell. Way to stick it to the white man.

    • Greg says:

      That was reasonable compared to the previous event we were at. $10 for domestic beers. This is grounds for a revolution.

  4. Tonya says:

    WHAT? No way! It’s totally Santorum. It’s always the guy who seems to be a never-nude who’s into the kinkiest shit. Not that 3 way is all that kinky. Frankly I’d put Santorum down for a Man-Woman-Donkey love session.

    • Greg says:

      I think in Santorum’s case you’re wrong, although in general I agree with your assessment. I bet this freak really does get upset about shit that’s none of his business, like dudes blowing each other. It’s what makes him a real asshole.

  5. Rusty says:

    We pay $7 for a beer all the time in Oz. Everything sinful and fun is taxed quite high to pay for fixing the damage.

    They will be taxing non-protected sex soon

    • Greg says:

      Yeah, my parents are Canadian by birth, and so I’ve spent a bit of time in the situation you’re in. I remember paying $11 for a pint of beer in Montreal in 1991. Everything had 12.5% provincial tax, 12.5% federal tax, and the sin tax for alcohol was through the roof. Un-fucking-real.

  6. Suniverse says:

    I can’t believe I’m too late to vote on this. THIS is what America is all about!

    I would have picked Santorum, too, just because you don’t get to be that holier-than-thou without having a LOT of regrets, and while an MMF three-way generally shouldn’t be a thing of regret, in Crazy-Cakes Santorum’s mind, it would be, hence the rabbit hole of nuttery he seems to be sliding down. [And why does everything ever written about this guy come back to the actual definition of santorum?]

    Great blog – here thanks to the good auspices of Tonya.

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