We Are Experiencing Difficulties

If you are a regular reader of this site, you know that I post on a pretty regular basis, even if only to put up videos of dogs fucking themselves unconscious. I’ve got a lot to say, apparently, and if what I have to say is juvenile, offensive, and flagrantly libelous, then that’s even better. It gives me an outlet that I don’t otherwise have. I mean, you try going into the office and telling people you dressed your dick up like Kenny Loggins and see what happens.

But lately, I haven’t been posting much, and when I have managed to slap something together, it has tended to be short, half-assed, and done primarily because I felt obligated to put something up, and not really because I had anything important to say (you know, important shit like how Foreigner still won’t make me a Reuben sandwich). There is a reason for that.

Last week, I went to the dentist to get a $600 crown put on a tooth that had been bothering me. Then it was discovered that I needed a $500 root canal as well. The next day my wife called me up to inform me that her car needed a $700 repair. That’s damn near $2,000 in expenses in two days, and that was enough to trigger a panic attack. Here I am, the day before Thanksgiving, Christmas looming, tons of money flowing out the door, I’m feeling like I’m not in control and I don’t know what’s going to come next when… I get an email from my wife informing me that she wants a divorce.

So that’s how my Thanksgiving went.

Over the weekend, the plans for divorce became a decision to work things out, which turned into a bout of indecision during which we hardly knew our own names, let alone what we wanted to do with our marriage. Tonight we came to the decision to try a separation, which is what you call it when two people divorce each other without lawyers, paperwork, or anything official happening. This is done in the hope that both people then magically realize that they can’t live without the person they just tried to boot from their life. As you can probably tell, I’m not terribly optimistic that this will have a fairy tale ending. And Foreigner still hasn’t made me a Reuben sandwich, those pricks.

So naturally, the move is going to occupy a lot of my time and it’s going to probably involve a period of time where I need to rely on the cable company to show up to give me internet access (I have to be home between 2:00 PM and July). And besides that, the need to spend three hours a night ruminating on the potential powers of superhero pubic lice isn’t really there. I’m not feeling… funny. In fact, I need to suppress the part of me that wants to send very frank, and unfunny emails to certain people. As satisfying as that may be, it’s not going to help matters any. Maybe I’ll treat myself for my birthday, but for right now I’ve got to lay low.

So my apologies for the lack of content the last week, and probably the next week or two. I’ve got a lot on my plate.

But I will be back. And when I am, the first order of business will be to hold a contest, awarding fame and riches to the person who sends in the best illustration of a dick dressed up like Kenny Loggins.

– Greg