Those of you who read my post yesterday know that this New Year I will have to play a rousing game of Find A Metal Ball In A Pile Of Shit. Yes, my six year old swallowed a metal ball, and to make sure that it passes harmlessly I need to gather, inspect, and more than likely perform a home biopsy on his excrement. Worse yet, Child Protective Services informs me that arranging to put your child up for adoption after the 24th trimester is highly unorthodox and not likely to succeed. I have resigned myself to my fate. Continue reading

I had planned to use the first post of the new year to crown a winner of the Dick Loggins Contest in which one lucky reader would be rewarded for illustrating a penis dressed up as Kenny Loggins with something from the Official Dogs On Drugs Giant Bookcase of Crazy Shit, but that plan was thwarted by my six year old who took it upon himself to ring in the new year by swallowing a ball bearing. (If you’re new to this site and find yourself wondering about that contest, yes, it is a real contest, and no, I haven’t taken my meds in quite a while.) Continue reading