Did you know that Dogs on Drugs is more widely read than The Holy Bible? It’s true! And if it isn’t, it just seems like it should be true, doesn’t it? I mean, yeah, the Bible tells you how to get into the afterlife and all, but how many videos does it contain of Angela Lansbury masturbating in a tub? I’m pretty sure the answer is none. And what about toddlers yelling at their own asses? The Bible is strangely quiet on that subject too. Look, it’s all well and good to get into heaven, I’ll give you that. But if there isn’t going to be someone there to tell you about the sexual habits of Pac-Man (and there won’t be) you need to read up on that shit now, while you can. Continue reading