If you were particularly bored this past weekend, you may have noticed that the Technological Juggernaut that is the Dogs on Drugs web server went down a couple of times. I haven’t had time to check, but I’m assuming that this caused the New York Stock Exchange to crash because that’s what stock exchanges do: At the slightest sign of trouble, they shit the metaphorical bed. “In other news today, the Bolivian Minister of Gumballs ate foie gras, sending the New York Stock Exchange into a death spiral. The President urged citizens not to panic, stating, ‘There is no reason for alarm. The United States economy is robust and secure. Also, I will suck your dick for five dollars.'”