You’re One of Those Crazy People!
I was driving home from work today, when I noticed that the car in front of me was missing its rear bumper. Well, it wasn’t missing as much as it was torn completely off except for one small strip of plastic on the side. You would have had no trouble finding the bumper: it was being dragged beside the car. I assumed that this had just happened and that the guy was going to pull over to deal with it, but no, he just kept right on driving like he was an extra stunt driver in Mad Max or something. Yes, everything is falling apart and going to hell, just the way I want it to.
After a half mile of this, I decided to pull alongside him at the next light to let him know that the draft he’d been experiencing was due to the back half of his car falling off. And since everybody on the road with eyes and a functioning brain was staying way the fuck back lest the wayward bumper suddenly become their problem too, I had no problem pulling up next to the guy. Getting his attention was a little more difficult. I blew the horn, waved my arms… no reaction. This wasn’t terribly surprising, as the guy looked to be at least 90 years old, and if there’s one thing we know about seniors, it’s that they aren’t always aware of their environment. If we raised the Titanic, there’s a pretty good chance that we’d pull some 100 year old guy out of there. “What? A ship sank? What ship?”
So, what the fuck, when I saw him pull into a grocery store parking lot, I decided to follow him. After a long, looping parking job that obstructed no less than four parking spaces, he got out of the car and started walking towards the store. “Excuse me, sir? Sir? SIR? SIR!!!!” I finally had to walk right in front of him to get his attention. “Sir? Your car’s bumper is falling off. You’ve been dragging it behind you for at least a mile.”
As I said this last part, I motioned my arms towards his car, but he was having none of it. He waved his hand in disgust in that, “Oh, you’re just a crazy person” way seniors have, and started walking towards the store again. So I swiped his wallet.
Hahaha, just kidding. I would never swipe a senior’s wallet. They’ve got shit for discretionary income. When stealing from the elderly, it’s important to focus on their medication which has high resale value on the street. Anyone want to buy some
Ex-Lax chocolate edibles?
Truth be told, I didn’t know what to do. I kind of felt like calling the cops on the grounds that anyone so out of it that they don’t know that the ass of their car is dragging down the street, probably isn’t the safest of drivers. Then again, we’ve got an awful lot of gung-ho, rule crazy cops down here, and I didn’t want the guy to wind up with some ridiculous, whopping fine to add to the car repair that was in his future. So I stuck around for a couple of minutes, got bored, then left. If your loved ones were run flat by the Crypt Keeper this afternoon, I’m sorry.
Holy Shit! You’re back! My email spam filter told me that but I didn’t believe it.
Yeah, I felt that the internet was running low on profanity, so I decided to fucking do something about it. Fuck. Shit. Balls.
Haha, sweet. I have actually given up my traditional blog and am doing my thing on whaleshares.io blockchain. If you ever feel like checking it out, you can cross post your blogs here onto there and earn a bit of cryptocurrency. I am at https://whaleshares.io/@profanereviews and could use some more profane friends there. Take it easy man. Nice to see you back. I am going to subscribe in case I have lost my subscription over the years.
Maybe old dude’s bumper will fall off completely, cops will notice he’s driving bumperless, stop him, and send him for an assessment. And not shoot him dead.
Where I am, old farts who reach 80 have to see a doctor before renewing their license. If the doctor recommends it, they then have to undergo a practical driving assessment. I’m torn between which is worse, the dangers of oldies continuing to drive, and the dangers of young fuckers with their heads in their goddamn phones while behind the wheel.
We desperately need increased testing for the elderly, but seniors are the bloc of voters with the highest turnout rate and every time we try to pass laws that would help they get shot down. We ought to offer dinner with Matlock when you get tested as a senior.
As for cell-phone drivers, I’m all for the Bazooka Solution.
We live in a town that has a retirement community 30K strong and make up a third of the population. They also totally control local elections. So, so many of them have no business being behind the wheel of an automobile, but calling the cops is pointless. Since seniors run things, the cops won’t even ticket them, much less take away driving privileges. You learn to give them a wide berth.
I grew up in a town with a MUCH higher percentage of seniors. You’re right, they own the freaking elections, and for a LONG time in my home town, you couldn’t get any measure to pass that resulted in the community schools getting desperately needed money. The seniors attitude was, “I already paid for my kids. You pay for your own.”