I had lived in the same house for almost thirteen years before moving late last year, so getting used to the new place is taking a while. I’m not at the point where I can navigate in the dark by muscle memory alone, it takes me a split second to recognize the new door bell sound, and sometimes, driving home at the end of a long day, I’ll look around my new neighborhood and think to myself, “Where the fuck am I?” But at least I don’t whip out my dick and piss all over the place when someone comes over. Continue reading

You know what store I try to avoid? Office Max. Or Staples, same thing. It’s not that I don’t like office supply stores, it’s that I cannot go in one of them without justifying totally asinine purchases. If I don’t watch it, I’ll find myself in line with enough supplies to keep the IRS going for a couple of years, a bill the size of the Peruvian GDP, and an unshakable conviction that I simply cannot go another day without owning a legal pad. Seriously, very few legal proceedings take place at my house. What the fuck? Continue reading