A couple of people inquired about the subject of Monday’s post, Mr. Patel. Specifically, they wanted to know if that was his real name, and if he was still in business. Mr. Patel seems to be in business in the sense that his incorporated company technically exists, but the listed address happens to be a residence, and Mr. Patel seems to work for a large tech company as a “Senior Manager”, by which I assume they mean “Major Buttplug”. So, yes, his business “exists”, kind of in the same way I was given a “salary”. And no, his real name isn’t Mr. Patel, and the name of his company isn’t Communication Consultants, Inc. I changed his name because of a professional wrestling fan. Really. Continue reading

Long time readers of this site will undoubtedly remember Ray LaHood, Secretary of Transportation and most definitely not the type of person that would ass-fuck coma patients. In short, while ol’ Ray was fucking around, doing nothing more than managing 58,000 employees and torturing small woodland creatures [citation needed], I was doing all the heavy lifting for him, coming up with not one, but two ideas that would revolutionize transportation as we know it: The 5-Yellow stop light, and replacing all the roads with a moving sidewalk that had bar service. Well, I am happy to report that Ray LaHood has given in to the inevitable, and will be stepping down as Secretary of Transportation, clearing the way for yours truly to claim the position. Continue reading