Rock And Roll Is Dead
I was at work today, calmly minding my own business when an alert on my news feed interrupted me in the rudest way possible: “Hall & Oates nominated for Rock and Roll Hall of Fame”. What a kick in the fucking teeth. I mean, why don’t you just break all the bad news at once, why don’t you? “Planet Doomed: Last Days of Earth to Feature Million Degree Temperatures, Glee Marathon”. Fuck.
Now, for those of you who don’t know who Hall & Oates are, oh, how I envy you, you lucky bastards. You see, I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s, and so I’ve had my fill of fucking Hall & Oates. Seriously, they were so prevalent for a while there, that some brain-dead waste of genetic material green-lighted this musical abortion:
You have to give them some credit, though: They were obviously years ahead of their time on the topic of gay marriage.
I love the part where the people show up with booze, and Hall & Oates don’t let them in. “Hey, assholes, we’re Hall & Oates. No one is going to be having fun here tonight!” And then for some reason, the drinkers are still hanging around, looking in the window, wishing they were inside.
Now, I’ve had plenty to drink in my day (I get thank you cards from Heineken every Christmas), and I’m certainly not averse to saying some pretty crazy things while under the influence, but I can say with a high degree of certainty that the phrase “Hey, let’s get loaded and go hang out with Hall & Oates” would not be one of them.
It’s not that Hall & Oates are bad, mind you. Just that they’re… Meh. And I didn’t think we rewarded “Meh” in this industry. Hahahaha!!! Just kidding, we do it all the time! Right, Miley?
But rewarding 80’s lameness with entry into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame just seems wrong. I mean, this was the kind of thing that was popular in the 80’s, and I don’t think anyone in their right mind believes we should be encouraging it:
Sorry about that, incidentally. I know all too well the terrible power of that song. You could be in a board meeting, getting ready to recommend a radical rebranding strategy designed to take your flagship product into a new realm of popularity and profitability, standing in front of some of the most powerful people in the industry, reaching for a glass of water as a bead of sweat trickles down your neck, and while you should be thinking how to best phrase your argument for maximum impact, instead all you’re thinking is… “Jitterbug!”
A couple of years ago, one of my brilliant commenters suggested that we periodically take people out of the Hall of Fame, a job so wonderful that I would pay to have it. (“Hey, Earth! Go get Wind and Fire, and get the fuck out of here! And take all those fucking gold lamé pants with you!”) Now that I think about it, though, we can do a little better. Here’s the deal: In order to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, someone has to get kicked out.
Nirvana, for instance, has also been nominated for the 2014 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame class. Say what you want about them, but Nirvana belongs. So, you simply have to find someone currently in who doesn’t deserve to be such as… Oops, sorry ABBA. We know you’re really big over there in Europe but other than shrieking middle-aged women who murder karaoke versions of Dancing Queen, no one on this side of the pond gives a rat’s ass.
And that would make getting inducted into he Rock and Roll Hall of Fame truly difficult, an achievement set aside for only the best of the best, and not fucking Steely Dan. And when someone piped up and said, “Hey, what about Hall & Oates?” everyone could then laugh at that person, and possibly roll them up in a carpet and throw them off a bridge for being so out of touch.
Dammit Dogs, it’s 9:45 at night, and I’m ending my day with wake me up before you go-go stuck in my head. Thanks a lot.
lol Vesta. I didn’t watch for that very reason. And yet, it’s still trying to break through.
GRRRRRRR! Polly wants a cracker…
Just think about the theme song for Greatest American Hero. That’ll knock anything out of your head and take up residence for at least half a week. Sorry about that.
I can’t even deal with Hall and Oates being held up next to Nirvana like they’re somehow equal. In fact, I just put on my Nevermind CD to banish any potential for H&O or Wham! intrusion.
Nirvana changed music/culture in the 90s. Hall and Oates changed… I dunno, each other’s oil? “Meh” is definitely the right word to describe them.
Changed each other’s oil, indeed. They’re maneaters.
It doesn’t even matter that they’re still playing county fairs (or whatever they do these days) and Cobain is a faded stain on the wall. Nirvana should obviously be in the Hall of Fame.
But this nomination assumes Hall and Oates were as important to music as Elvis, The Doors, Aretha, Ike and Tina, The Beatles, James Brown, John Lennon, Janis Joplin, Clapton, etc. WTF???
I don’t mind Hall & Oats. I actually have a greatest hits album, but I didn’t pay for it.
I am known for having absolutely terrible taste, which sits right next to really good taste. For example, I enjoy both Abba and Nirvana, although obviously not to the same degree. I could listen to several hours in a row of Nirvana, but I’m pretty much finished after two or three Abba songs. For about a year.
Even ABBA can’t listen to ABBA, and I can’t say I blame them.
Also, apropos of nothing, here’s one of the ABBA douchebags cracking a tasteless joke about the Boston marathon.
Hall and Oates and Wham in one post…that is evil, Greg. What’s with the “Choose Life” t-shirt what’s-his-name is wearing? Was it an anti-smoking commercial?
Oh, I wonder if that lame fad never made it’s way to your neck of the woods.
If memory serves, t-shirts reading “Frankie Say Relax” that looked similar to the “Choose Life” t-shirts starting popping up after Frankie Goes to Hollywood had their one minor hit, Relax.
Soon after this, there was a brief wave of similar t-shirts with slogans such as Choose Life appearing all over MTV. Didn’t last long.
As for why George Michael was wearing that shirt, I dunno. He should’ve worn one that read, Choose Guys In A Public Men’s Room.
Haha, I don’t think he was out when that incident took place.
Lame fad might have hit over here and I’ve blocked it. I think adults wearing slogan-y shirts is dumb.
I found a slogan-y t-shirt in Mexico once that I had to agree with. It read, “Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck!” Perfect for wearing to Christmas plays, baptisms, and court appearances.
Hey, what’s wrong with Steely Dan?!
On rare occasions, I can get into them. I’m not so much against their music as I am the fact that they’re incredible music snots. I mean, seriously pompous. I saw a Youtube video recently in which drummer Bernard Purdie was being discussed. a FAN left this comment:
“Wow, Becker and Fagen were a whisker away from actually complimenting another musician…”
Anyway, their music is better than an awful lot of shit out there, but I personally don’t believe they belong in the RRHoF.