The Effects Of Extreme Radiation Exposure

I know what you’ve been saying to yourself. You’ve been saying, “You know what makes me happy? Bubble-wrap. But just when I’m teetering on the edge of orgasm, I run out. Whatever am I to do?” You are a sick and perverted person, you know that? In a just society, you’d be sterilized and set aside for others to gawk at behind a wall of glass, just like Michael Jackson. Dogs on Drugs, however, is an equal opportunity dick-joke factory website, and so, dear reader, I bring you the Bandai Mugen Puchipuchi Infinite Bubblewrap, brought to you by Japan, the fine people that invented tentacle porn, talking butt-plugs, and other miraculous inventions that make you weep for humanity.

The Bandai Mugen Puchipuchi Infinite Bubblewrap lets you pop bubblewrap, weep ribbons of pure sorrow, and contorts your mouth into the Rictus of Ultimate Joy. Or it gives you lockjaw. I’m not sure which, even after watching the entire 90 second commercial. Who in their right mind would make a 90 second commercial for something so trivial? Japan. Have you not been paying attention? I love the Japanese, but those motherfuckers are crazy.

9 Responses to “The Effects Of Extreme Radiation Exposure”

  1. Vonny says:

    While I love the name of this…thing…, there are two sounds that are guaranteed to put my teeth on edge, popping bubble wrap bubbles and velcro separating. Fortunately, this commercial didn’t express the sound very well, so my teeth are okay and my spine is shiver-free.

    • Greg says:

      This commercial didn’t express anything very well, including sanity and rational thought.

      Also (I looked it up), for the record, every 100th press “rewards” you with a sound. The dingbats in this commercial are ostensibly happy when it’s a kiss, and sad/mad when it’s a fart.

  2. Terry Ullmann says:

    I don’t know where you find this stuff, but it’s flippin’ hilarious.

  3. Nico says:

    The satisfaction of bubble wrap for me is to completely destroy the bubble. I don’t trust anything that comes back to life.

  4. Vesta Vayne says:

    I’m confused. Why are they crying? Are those tears of bubble popping happiness?

    • Greg says:

      See my response to Vonny above. Oh, and one out of every 1,000 of these fucking things has a “special” heart shaped bubble in the center. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

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