You Got Screwed
Kevin, from Always Home and Uncool, asked me to do a guest post for DadCentric recently, and I agreed, slapping together the usual collection of dick jokes, treasonous statements, and death threats to local weathermen. Having sent that on its way, I began to wander around the internet looking for filthy hardcore action involving barely legal teens something to inspire me to write a post for my own site. Instead, I found something rather unexpected.
Way back in September of last year, I wrote a post about having run across a sword wielding maniac in a minivan. Just a few minutes ago I randomly happened across this mug shot of an individual who was found by county sheriffs on that very day, less than thirty minutes from my house, fucking around with a samurai sword:
Friends don’t let friends play with tattoo machines while under the influence of LSD.
That can’t be a coincidence, can it? Actually, I hope it is because a quick search of the Arizona Inmate Locator shows that this person is not currently incarcerated, and I doubt he’s reformed and gone on to a rewarding career in baby photography. This lunatic could be stalking me as we speak.
It’s a chilling thought, and one that makes me glad that I protect my anonymity on this site.
– Al Gore
Wow, that dude is one scary looking mo-fo.
He certainly isn’t going to be hired as a day care provider with that look, that’s for sure.
wait. I know him. He told me he hates you and that he says hi.
He… He hates me? *sniff*
At least he’s polite.
How up-to-date can the Inmate Locator be? You’re probably safe. For now.
Actually, from the looks of it, pretty accurate. Of course, it’s hard to see it from here under the bed.
So is your guest post up yet? I went to DadCentric But couldn’t find it. Stop fucking around with me, Greg. And have you seen my keys?
No, I just turned it in last night. They’ll have to remove the plagiarism, recipes for making basement nukes, and outright libelous statements involving Bob Barker and anal bleaching. Then they’ll put it up there.
And when they do, I’ll link to it.
Statements about Bob Barker and anal bleaching do not meet the legal definition of libel at all. In fact he, Richard Dawson, and Chuck Woolery were known as the “Clean Whistle Gang” back in the days.
True story.
Wait, I thought they were known as the Felcher Brothers!
That was Hanson.
Hahaha, choice tats bro
It seems your popularity is finally on the rise Mr Gore, you should have started with this blog instead of trying to save the world. The world is only going to go down like a lead zeppelin anyway.
I’ve learned my lesson. I will stop trying to tell everyone what to do and devote all of my time to taking this large stick out of my ass. – Al
The samurai do not wear plaid.
He doesn’t strike me as overly traditionalist, though.
Why is my mug shot on your site, a-hole?
(rimshot)
He’s probably just misunderstood. A nice smile and he would be your best friend.
I know! I invited him to the Ice Cream Social so we can talk about that very thing!