The Week In Review

squiddy

You know what I learned today? I learned that even when women turn 63, they are still frequent targets of deviants, perverts, weirdos, and other sick and filthy degenerates. I base this on an article I read that made me so angry that I almost peed my pants with laughter. The article is entitled, “Parboiled Squid Inseminate’s Woman’s Mouth“. It seems a 63 year old Korean woman sat down with a nice, fresh dish of squid when all of a sudden, she felt the presence of “small, squirming organisms” in her mouth. While this may be par for the course in an evening involving tequila shooters and heavy petting, it’s not the kind of thing that you expect when dining at Red Lobster (or wherever the hell she was). So she sought medical attention and was informed that she had (hold on to your hats, here, kids) bitten into the squid’s sperm bag which had not been adequately cooked. (I’ll be honest with you here: If someone had told me that I would use the words “sperm bag” on this site, I would’ve bet every last cent that it would have been in reference to Paris Hilton. Go figure.)

This horrifying and hilarious turn of events is sure to have a backlash: Squid will be hunted down across the globe and slaughtered by the boatload, or even worse, shipped off Japan to appear in what passes for their mainstream porn (link safe for work, believe it or not). All because of one sick and twisted squid. Way to go, pervo. You’ve doomed your species.

On to what you missed the last couple of weeks while you were cross-checking your lunch with the sexual offender registry:

Let’s pay some bills, shall we? We’re going to need to in order to fend off these lawsuits. It’s Involuntary Advertising:

Have a great week, everyone. And don’t forget: If you see any suspicious looking squid loitering around town, call the police immediately. Or Paris Hilton.

22 Responses to “The Week In Review”

  1. Vonny says:

    Squid must be very proud of themselves, if their little swimmers can still wriggle after partial cooking and forking.

    Eat your hearts out, men.

  2. Becky says:

    This is why I love reading your posts. Squid sperm while eating out. Awesome.
    Note to self: It’s about time to refuse to eat anything you don’t cook yourself.

  3. K. says:

    EWWW! and LMAO! Note to self…cross eating squid off the bucket list!

  4. Luda says:

    I went to Red Lobster the other day with Sean for dinner. It was a Tuesday night, I think, and the place was PACKED. They told us we’d have to wait for 45 minutes. Obviously we left.

    The point of this story is WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE GOING TO RED LOBSTER? It is NOT good. The only decent thing in there are the cheddar bay biscuit.

    • Greg says:

      Yes, my understanding is that everything is frozen and then reheated, meaning there’s almost no fresh food there.

      But you can get trashed on the Shrimpwreck Mary if you put your mind to it.

      • Pish Posh says:

        Same here. People think it is the “fancy” restaurant in town. It’s always packed.

        God I hate my town so much I could put it in my trunk, shoot it, bury it alive, and then pee on its grave.

        We just got a new steakhouse and a new sandwich shop. We have hardly anything in this town. We JUST got a bookstore (there are FOUR colleges in this town) and it is tiny and probably going to collapse. You know what we do have? ^&9o Steakhouses and sandwich shops. And by sammich I mean quiznos, subway, jimmy john, over and over again.

        I will piss on this place, I am telling you. Anyway, yeah, those biscuits are alright. Cheese butter milk is hard to fuck up.

        • Greg says:

          I love that comment. Bile, anger, and grudging respect for the cheese biscuits.

          Phoenix is similar, but at least there are good Mexican joints to make up for the bland chain restaurants.

          Oh, but you gotta lay off of Jimmy John’s because I grew up down the street from Jimmy John (yes, he’s a real person).

  5. Luda says:

    Biscuits. Plural. They have more than one biscuit.

  6. Pish Posh says:

    All I can say is that is what she fucking GETS!! I’m sick of this weird conspiracy of people acting like things like squid are food or in any way okay to put in your mouth. I hope she gets pregnant with squid babies.

    I mean the goddamn fish LOOKS LIKE A SPERM. What did she expect?

  7. Heather says:

    I always love the vague dates in your wrap-ups! It’s my favorite.

  8. Vesta Vayne says:

    Squid, octopus, I think the lesson to take away from this is to stay away from tentacled creatures. http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2012/06/19/octopus-hitches-ride-on-dolphin-genitals/

  9. Rusty says:

    Maybe she was a big fan of Prometheus and wanted a squid baby

    Can you groom invertebrates for sex? we might have to go to Japanese experts on that.

Leave a Reply

Powered by WordPress | Designed by: seo services | Thanks to seo company, web designer and internet marketing company
The fuck are you looking at?