You know it’s coming, you feel it in your bones.  A second Great Depression is on its way.  The good news is that it will make the first Great Depression look like a walk in the park and we can finally mouth off to those obnoxious elders who were always telling us things like, “In my day, we got an orange for Christmas, and we were glad to get it!”  Oh yeah?  Well my sister just blew a dude for the protein, asshole!  The bad news is that we won’t be joking.

So we’re going to need to start planning now if we’re to get through it alive, and the first thing we need to address is what we’re going to eat.  Luckily, there are options.  Horrifying, disgusting, never-in-a-million-years type options, but hey, it beats “protein”.

From MSNBC.com, “Arizona man hospitalized after shooting penis.”  I love this headline because it makes you want to read the article at the same time it makes you want to not read the article.  You’d hate to ruin the mental picture it gives you, but you’ve just got to check out the details for yourself.  Did his penis surprise him in the dark?  Maybe he’d had a drunken argument with it.  Or maybe it was an incredibly poorly thought out insurance scam.  Shit, now I’ve gotta look.

Ok, now I’m glad I looked.  The presence of a pink handgun and the advice of 911 to “apply direct pressure” was totally worth it.

Help me, I shot myself in the cock!

Any surprise this guy includes the word “again” in that first sentence?

I’m just about to head off to Ikea (because I’m lame), and I hopped on the internet and ran across this.  Ikea Dick in a Box assembly instructions.  Hilarious.