For those of you keeping score at home, Dogs On Drugs has been at least partially banned by the Chinese government!  This is cause for celebration around here, but then again we tend to celebrate days that end in “Y” with a veritable ocean of beer, so that’s nothing new.

For those of you just joining, I made an especially heartfelt plea to the Chinese government to ban this website on the grounds that it is vulgar, profane, provides accurate information about the 1987 slaughter in Tiananmen Square, and I called Chinese Communist officials “evil, Commie dickwads”.  This apparently turned the trick in the Yunnan Province, because we are SO banned there.  Inner Mongolia, on the other hand, is showing a server timeout.  This is probably because their internet connection is made of ox dung.

For those of you not familiar with the asshats running the show over in China, the Chinese government has instituted the Great Firewall of China. This is used to block websites that are profane, objectionable, or mention how the Chinese government slaughtered its own citizens in Tiananmen Square in 1987.  And right there, in one sentence, is why Dogs On Drugs should be blocked.  But a quick trip to greatfirewallofchina.org shows that, sadly, this is not the case.  As it stands, over a billion people are exposed to my web site and its very large collection of pornography involving Mao Zedung and goats.  And that is wrong.

I read an exciting story today about how a heretofore unknown ocean current coming off the coast of…  Iceland…. means that…  Ummm, warmer Atlantic…  Zzzzzzzz  Zzzzzzzz  Zzzzzzz.

Sorry, I fell asleep there for a minute.  Global warming talk is like that.  It’s fucking boring.  You ever try reading some of the underlying science?  A group of professional bed-wetters announces that temperatures off the Ivory Coast have gone up an alarming 0.01 degree Celsius in the last 50 years.  Then a bunch of professional polluters say how there is no temperature increase unless there is, in which case we didn’t cause it.  You and I, meanwhile, are thinking to ourselves, “0.01 degrees?  Who fucking cares?”  And it turns out that we are right.

I realize that a lot of planet-saving do-gooders aren’t going to like reading this, but we need to stop with the global warming bullshit for a variety of reasons.

You wouldn’t think that a grocery store would be something you’d need to explain to people.  But you don’t shop where I do.  If you took a busload of the elderly and the retarded, gave them mild concussions with a mallet then loaded them up on meth, you’d still have a breed of person more with it than the crack squad of brain surgeons I have to deal with every time I need to go buy eggs.  Honestly, these people cannot operate shoelaces much less function in a complex environment such as the local Safeway’s.  It is these people that make this post necessary.

I get trash collection twice a week where I live.  I tell that to most people and they immediately start asking me how wonderful that is.  It has its advantages, sure.  For instance, if you throw some leftover food in the garbage during our sweltering Phoenix summers, it’s nice to know it won’t be sitting there cooking in the sun for a full week.  Ditto for dead hobos other perishable items.  But really, it’s not that great.  Especially when they forget to pick it up every other delivery.

I decided to go to Subway for lunch today, even though I ate there yesterday and the last time I ate at Subway regularly, I gained almost 30 pounds. Jared, you lie through your fat fucking teeth.  Anyway, my personal sandwich artist just got done putting the final touches on my sandwich when I noticed that my wallet did not contain my debit card.  We’ve all had this happen, haven’t we?  You realize your card is missing, and you mentally picture some crackheads using it to buy big screen TV’s, which they then pawn and use the resulting cash to buy crack and hookers with.  And the worst part is that it’s your money and you don’t get the TV, the crack, or the hookers.  Bullshit.