I bought a new car today (a Jeep, actually) and while giving my two sons a ride home, my five year old informed me that, “this Jeep is sick!”  But then, before I had a chance to ask him where he’d learned that phrase, he looked at me with pity in his eyes and slowly said, “Daddy, sick means cool.”  My five year old.  Jesus.

I’ll teach that kid.  When he starts dating and bringing girls home, I’m going to go full-blown embarrassing geezer on him.  “Now you come over here and kiss your old man goodbye.  But bring me some fresh Depends first, you little whippersnapper, you!”

You know it’s coming, you feel it in your bones.  A second Great Depression is on its way.  The good news is that it will make the first Great Depression look like a walk in the park and we can finally mouth off to those obnoxious elders who were always telling us things like, “In my day, we got an orange for Christmas, and we were glad to get it!”  Oh yeah?  Well my sister just blew a dude for the protein, asshole!  The bad news is that we won’t be joking.

So we’re going to need to start planning now if we’re to get through it alive, and the first thing we need to address is what we’re going to eat.  Luckily, there are options.  Horrifying, disgusting, never-in-a-million-years type options, but hey, it beats “protein”.