I usually don’t post on Friday, but today I’m making an exception. Because I’ve got a backlog of videos, and posting them requires hardly any effort at all. (This is opposed to the normal collection of dick jokes and slander that passes as a post in these parts, which requires a little effort.)
Our first video is a music video by Mark Gormley, who is either auditioning to be a musician or a child molester. Dude, you need to update the look. And the background. And the song. And the lyrics. Don’t give up the day job, is what I’m saying. The folks at Foot Locker would probably miss you.
Ouch. Let’s move on, shall we? More videos after the jump.
Our next video comes to us courtesy of one Gus Fring, who went on to manage a hispanic-themed chicken restaurant chain, and have half of his head forcibly removed at a nursing home.
I used to work with a guy that made me wish I’d known about this video a lot earlier in life. He once told me a story about telling a mathematics professor to fuck off in college, and how he stormed out of class and lit a joint, only to have King Crimson’s Robert Fripp happen by. The two of them got stoned, then they went to the gig Fripp was in town for, and my coworker got to sit back stage and even suggest which songs they played. I got the feeling that if I hadn’t invented a sudden emergency I had to respond to (“I think I hear my kids suffering from scurvy”), the story would have grown until it included Peter Frampton, Bram Stoker, and a magical talking chinchilla.
Hey! We haven’t heard from transvestites in a while!
Ok, you’ll need to steel yourself to watch more than a minute of this next video, which frankly I don’t recommend. Remember when I posted the video of the Star Wars video game that allowed you to dance with characters such as Han Solo, or the guy that looked like an ape raped a pile of shag carpeting? Well, apparently people pay good money to see this kind of shit in person. Behold, the reason why I’d like to knee Disney in the figurative balls:
You know what i was thinking the other day? I was thinking that my life is woefully incomplete without anthropomorphic hot dogs. Luckily:
Fruit Gushers… You think they’re any good? I don’t know if I want to blow my hard earned money on something unless I’m sure that it’s worth it. Luckily, Youtube food reviewers have my back. And a canned ham. Probably. Just saying.
All right. That’s enough for now. Happy Friday everyone. Enjoy your weekend.
I wonder if people bolt upright in bed at night, thinking “Fuck! I didn’t make my Youtube channel private!”
Also, I watched the whole Star Wars clip and just felt sorry for everyone on stage who is dreaming of the opportunity to suck the right dick and be able to stop doing that stupid fucking show.
It took me three whole days to be able to get through the whole Star Wars clip. I could only handle a few minutes at a time, and then I’d turn it off in disgust. I’m in favor of gassing Orlando if it means this would never happen again. Just gawd-awful.
All these choices, and I’m fixated on the Ketchup Critter, which will barf red goo all over my mangled hot dog.
I like the mustard demon. “Hey, how can we make this mustard demon an even worse purchase than it already is?”
“I know, let’s make it shoot mustard out of two holes, so it’s impossible to use!”
“Hahaha, that’ll show the fuckers!”
Pickle surprise has brought my way some complicated emotions. Oh my.
Luckily, there are support groups for the pickle-curious population.