Talent: It Don’t Come Easy

Ladies and gentlemen... Ringo Starr!

Quite some time ago, I received an email from an admiring reader in the UK. At least, I think he’s an admiring reader. He didn’t include the standard, non-admirer terms that usually tip me off, such as “illliterate dumbfuck”, “escaped zoo chimp with a spellchecker”, and “tragic waste of the human spirit”. He also failed to threaten to report me to the “internet police”, and so I’m only able to draw the conclusion that he’s an admirer, or failing that, at least he doesn’t want to set my teeth on fire.

Anyway, this user wrote to weigh in on a comment I once made about Ringo Starr, alleged drummer for the Beatles:

…studies have shown that the Beatles would have been no different if they had replaced Ringo Starr with a ham sandwich.

Now I have stringent fact-checking criteria that I adhere to before I post anything on this web site, and if a fact is even remotely true, I remove it from my post. But the general consensus does seem to be that Ringo Starr ranks below a mollusk, but just ahead of a doorstop in terms of drumming ability, and my UK admirer wrote in to let me know that he not only agreed with me on this front, but that he had other, more shocking news to deliver: Ringo Starr also blows goats when it comes to art:

When I first saw this piece of… whatever the fuck this is, my first thought was, “Well, he is Ringo Starr. And I bet he has some serious, top-shelf drugs. Why else would he draw a self portrait and then put vaginas over his eyeballs?” But as I entered his site, I realized that the contents could not be explained away by powerful, mind-altering drugs, although to be fair to Ringo, quotes like the following certainly make it seem as if he has been mainlining drain cleaner:

In its way “Pop” art is always changing – like “Pop” artists. It’s a natural move of things like pop music and even Popeye the sailor man.

If my dog looked up at me one day and began to speak and he said those words, I’d have him gassed on general principle alone, because that is the most profoundly retarded thing I’ve ever read. We are all stupider for having read it.

As you begin to flip through his site (all his art-work seems to have been drawn with the help of MS-Paint and a severe concussion), the realization hits you that Ringo Starr may have had entire lobes of his brain removed and replaced with Brillo pads. I mean, really:

The title of this... thing is "Bad Finger", although a more accurate title would have been, "Why, God, Why?"

The title of this… thing is “Bad Finger”, although a more accurate title would have been, “Why, God, Why?”

Remember how there was a rumor back in the 60’s that Paul had died, and that he had been replaced by a double in order to keep the Beatles intact? I think Ringo may have died as well, only he was replaced by a Wildebeest with Downs.

Still, live and let live, right? Or in this case, live and let suck ass. I don’t begrudge Ringo any success he might have, even if it does come from selling MS Paint scribbles to blind children. As long as he doesn’t go on an endless tour with a bunch of washed up, over the hill musicians like Rick Derringer and… Oh, god damn it!

Remember the guy who was keen on Jesus from a couple of days ago who proceeded to absolutely butcher Stairway to Heaven? If you showed him this video, he would cringe. “Good God, that is embarrassing!”

What’s even scarier is that if Ringo has any level of success with this shit, it might encourage him to branch out further:

You won't come easy. You know you won't come easy.

You won’t come easy. You know you won’t come easy.

So maybe we should encourage ol’ Vagina-Eyes to just stick with the art or lurching around on stage. I mean, it doesn’t seem like it, but there are worse things in life than this:

12 Responses to “Talent: It Don’t Come Easy”

  1. Sam says:

    A good post. Just a shame Ringo has to exist in order for it to of come about.

  2. Vonny says:

    Don’t you go ragging on an ex-Beatle now, Greg.

    I don’t think Ringo ever professed himself a good singer. Who the hell are those other guys?

    • Greg says:

      Nothing wrong with good-naturedly ragging on the Beatles. They deserve it as much as anyone else does.

      A while back, I ran across a group of inappropriate ads that had been canceled before they went public. I looked for it just now, but couldn’t find it. Anyway, one of them was a print ad for the Beatles Anthology documentary, and the tag line was, “Until now, they thought a reunion would require 3 more bullets.”

      Damn! I can see why they pulled that.

  3. He’s taking some serious liberties with fame here, assuming we will let him get away with it because he’s a Beatle.

    Don’t underestimate art fans, Ringo. They know how to make things look like an accident.

    Also, my phone automatically replaces Ringo With Fungi.

    • Greg says:

      You’d think art fans would leave a lot of clues behind, like cigarette butts, paint fingerprints, etc.

      Also, I think Ringo should change his name to Fungi Starr. Actually, that sounds like Fun Guy Starr, and somehow that’s even worse.

  4. Rose says:

    I was just looking at that Beatles meme where the reporter asks John if Ringo is the best drummer in the world. John replied, “Ringo isn’t even the best drummer in the band.”
    Poor old Ringo has to try his hand at sucking in all art forms.

    • Greg says:

      Actually, that meme is kind of made up. John Lennon was very appreciative of Ringo’s work and he would never have said that. In fact, John was the one who coaxed Ringo back into the band when he was feeling left out, telling him how irreplaceable he was.

      Paul, I could kind of imagine him saying that. Ringo once quit the band when he came back to the studio after he’d left and discovered Paul re-recording the drums because they weren’t to his liking.

      Poor Vagina-Eyes. Just can’t catch a break.

  5. Vesta Vane says:

    Geez, I scrolled back and looked at the vagina eyes pic a couple of times, not sure what that says about me. Or you, for pointing it out in the first place.

    Silly Ringo.

    • Greg says:

      Don’t blame me for that crazy shit. Blame Ringo. Loudly and in person. Video the whole thing and send it to me when you’re done.

  6. Nico says:

    Pop … Popeye? Do you think the guy who had to record that quote popped Ringo in the eye? I would have been extremely tempted.

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