Another Labor Day has come and gone, and with it another of my personal holiday traditions: Getting shitfaced and loitering on the grounds of an old folks home. Well, that sounds a bit creepier than it is in reality. The Missus and I ditched our kids (not literally. It was more of a culvert) and headed over to a fun-loving couple’s house where he had dinner, played poker, got wasted, and got semi-dirty in the pool.
As always, right before closing time, we decided that the 45 or so beers we had left were not going to be enough, so we headed out (on foot) to the nearest convenience store to stock up. Our path takes us past a retirement community, and that always sets me to thinking. Do they all really go to bed at 5:00 PM? I wonder when the last time someone had sex in this building was? If I dressed up as the Grim Reaper and rang the doorbell, what would happen?
And so we usually end up making crude jokes about ol’ granny “gettin’ some” and whatnot, and then leave before Matlock can call the cops. Because that’s what Labor Day is all about.
On to the week in review:
- On Tuesday, my son began his long and promising career kicking chicks in the back.
- Also on Tuesday, Al Gore called me a racist.
- Even more on Tuesday (I must’ve been on Adderall), I detailed 18 things you don’t want to hear your kid’s bus driver say.
- On Thursday, HOLY FUCKING SHIT IS THAT PERVERTED!
- Also on Thursday, committees in Vancouver are a clever bunch.
On to a (blissfully) short work week which will hopefully allow me to sober up enough to really start my Columbus Day pre-partying. Also, I should pick my kids up from that culvert.