The Week In Review

Figure #1: The process for manufacturing love.

I love the show How It’s Made. That show can make the manufacture of anything totally interesting. Even my five year old will stop to watch, temporarily able to overcome the sugar coursing through his veins. And better yet, it generates questions of the non-Spongebob variety. The fact that I don’t know how to answer these questions is incidental. “What is metal extrusion? Ummm… Well… Look! Shiny metal things!”

But have you ever tuned in during the middle of the manufacture of an item, yet you don’t know what it is? That’s totally disorienting. You think that the process will give you a hint, but instead you’re watching a seemingly random series of extremely complicated steps that make no sense at all.

“After polishing the ball bearings with sausage casing, they plunge down a chute into a chamber where they are shouted at by bees for 25 minutes. This process ensures that the wax coating is able to withstand the heat of reentry yet remain delicious.” What? The? Fuck? And who the fuck thinks these steps up? Our civilization has not been around long enough for people to have gradually realized that electroplating hockey skates before soaking them in grizzly blood is the thing to do, so somebody had to have thought that shit up. I’m guessing pot was involved.

If you allow the Grizzly bear to take the skates from you before you can obtain its blood, well, then you're just fucked. Everybody knows that.

If you allow the Grizzly bear to take the skates from you before you can obtain its blood, well, then you're just fucked. Everybody knows that.

I was also surprised to note that the audience for How It’s Made takes the narration extremely seriously. Apparently the narrator changed at one point, and it threw the core audience into a collective fit. They have a forum where they discuss how much donkey dick the new guy sucks (a lot), and even a petition you can sign to bring back the old narrator, even though he’s doing 25 to life in Leavenworth for molesting a sea turtle (lawyer’s note: not true).

All of which is fine and good, but the only really interesting How It’s Made topic for me right now is beer, and I already know how that’s made: Really fucking well.

Ok, on to the week you missed while you were obsessing over business cards:

As you were, people.

8 Responses to “The Week In Review”

  1. I too love How it’s Made. However, I never noticed a narrator change. Looks like the Internet sure noticed, though. People don’t like change. It’s terrifying. Unsettling. Please hold me.

    • Greg says:

      Fuck, you’re not gonna like it when I convert this site to a Mormon dating site later this week.

      I noticed the narrator change, but can’t seem to bring myself to give a shit. Unless they got someone with an annoying voice like Gilbert Gottfried telling you how they build kayaks, who cares?

  2. Luda says:

    The best part of this post is the tags: molesting sea turtles, shouting bees.

    Yessss.

  3. Vesta Vayne says:

    Aaaaah! I cannot take a business card from anyone, ever, without thinking of that movie. Freaking. Awesome.

    • Greg says:

      If I’m in a business meeting that’s driving me crazy and it’s time to wrap it up, I’ll close by saying “I have to return some videotapes”. That movie is awesome.

  4. Rusty says:

    “How its made” just reminds me of work, but at least then I can claim TV on tax

    • Greg says:

      That idea totally helps me out. I’ve been looking for new deductions now that I count my 3 kids as 142 blind Vietnamese orphans who work at my in-house, non-profit church.

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