My wife and I recently received a note from our son’s kindergarten teacher stating that after a careful review of his journal, he was being sent to the principal’s office for what I can only assume was a crash course on Nobel Prize acceptance speech etiquette. I mean, I was kind of in a hurry and didn’t take too much time to read the email because mostly those emails are of the “your son spent all of today’s ‘carpet time’ trying to make the other students laugh” variety. And beside being puzzled as to where he’d get that kind of behavior from, that shit gets repetitive and old really quick, so I admit I kind of skimmed the contents. Continue reading

I love this video because it demonstrates a core, basic rule about guys: Guys are pyros. I’ve tried to explain to my wife how our sons, five and three, will grow up fanning the flames of a smoldering mattress, detonating a bottle full of lighter fluid with a roman candle, or (as I once did when I was fifteen) pouring three liters of gas down a sewer and blowing a manhole cover through an inch of cement, 40 feet into the air. (No shit. It shook dishes off of the shelves of the nearest house. Its awesomeness was in direct proportion to the speed with which I fled the area.) My wife says, “Well, we’ll have to keep an eye on them.” Wrong. It’s going to happen. What’s scary is I may be there with them, since I don’t believe I’ve fully outgrown my fascination with fire, as anyone who has asked me to light the grill can attest. Continue reading

And now, part two of Dogs on Drugs’ landmark series of videos involving defective goats. (Have fun, Heather.)

No foul language, or overt nudity, but this is so oddball that you really don’t want to have coworkers catch you watching it.

I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking, “Greg, what is the name of this movie and where can I purchase it?” Never fear, bold reader. The name of the movie is Masked Avenger Versus Ultra-Villian in the Lair of the Naked Bikini. Naturally. And if you want a copy of it, I hope you didn’t throw out your VCR.

Really, dude, that couldn’t have waited?

I am fucking wiped.  I had a very, very long day at the office because right as I was about to leave, we realized that our site was in the process of being attacked by some script kiddie fuckface, and we had to make sure we were fully protected.  Aside from some emails going out telling people their password had been reset, no harm done.  But it made for a long day that totally demotivated me.

So here, instead of actual original content, see just what it takes to climb Mount Everest:

This is, quite possibly, the best thing on the internet. Ever. (If you’re tempted to stop watching it, hang in there. It gets going around the 1:30 mark.)

Parts 2 & 3 after the jump. Continue reading

Just say no kids, or you’ll wind up like Corey Feldman.

Update: I know how difficult it would be to watch this all the way through, so I offer this suggestion: Watch it with the sound off. It looks like a five minute long seizure with midgets and tits. Hypnotic.