Swedish Gangsta Rap: Exactly as you had pictured it.

He may not have been qualified for Governor, but he was certainly qualified for that talk show.

Quick quiz! Are you:

• In Spandex?
• In Japan?
• In gastro-intestinal distress?

If you answered yes to all three, then today is your lucky day:

Who needs candy when your beaver’s so dandy?

We’ve all heard stories of corrupt police. Whether they’re trading in illicit narcotics or using Rodney King as their own personal piñata, these criminals bring shame upon their profession by mocking the very laws they are sworn to uphold. Plus, they’re never corrupt in my favor. I mean, sure, 110 mph in a school zone is excessive. But is it too much to ask that you take the three bucks I offered to look the other way? Assholes. Continue reading

No, not the Beatles in India. The Indian Beatles. (Although their lead singer looks like Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban.)

My favorite rock band of all time is Led Zeppelin. I could go into the reasons why, but the last time I did that I got so wound up that I was arrested for playing air guitar in the nude in front of my house. While intoxicated. And removing the label from my mattress without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. Again.

Anyway, as I’m a huge, slavering Led Zeppelin fan, I get alerts sent to me whenever there is some related breaking news. Yes, they broke up 31 years ago, but you never know what the future holds. I may wake up tomorrow to find that it’s 1975! (This has happened before.) And so it was while reading through the “breaking news” that consists of old people like me going on and on about how awesome Led Zeppelin was that I ran across the guy that legally changed his name to Led Zeppelin II. Continue reading

Here is some news of great import for the thousands of imaginary beings that read this website on a regular basis: I am no longer posting while under the influence of heroin! Yes, it’s been tough so far, but I… umm, that is to say I… uhhh… Hold on a second. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes…

(3 hours later)

Where was I? Oh yes, I wastellinyuouhowfqsdqiwueor pwqoeiqedjnalkdjf leqif pqedfga;edjnv as.djkv qedfiuh qperoifo;weirutp 3tu4gw erg lkjerflkj edfkljelgfkjhdlkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj. WHAT? HEY! Oh, sorry, man. I must’ve nodded off for a minute. Hey can I borrow your TV set for a while? Continue reading

Seriously, dude, whatever you’re on, cut the dose. (For the ADHD crowd, cut to roughly 48 seconds when the going gets weird.)

Eagle-eyed reader Eric sends in this video, which he calls “THE concert of the 60’s (no acid needed)”. I’ve got to agree with him on that last point. I don’t need acid because when I’m watching this I can’t help but feel I’m on acid.